Chapter Four: The Islamic Family System

Chapter Four: The Islamic Family System
Introduction
Section One: The Status of Women in Islam
Section Two: Marriage in Islam
Section Three:  Infants in Islam
Section Four: Filial Piety and the Status of Parents in Islam
Section Five: The Rights and Entitlements of Children in Islam

Introduction
The home is a child’s first school; only in a healthy family environment of love, mercy, selflessness, care and piety are the great males and females of this nation produced.

In such prosperous homes the rights everyone is owed are given to them, their honour is preserved, and happiness fills the air.

Islam gives particular concern to the household; it grants the spouses rights to ensure a harmonious marriage based on love; it guarantees parents and children their rights; and it assigns responsibilities to each member of a family regarding which they will be answerable in front of the Lord of the worlds.

In the following sections, the Islamic family system will be discussed in further detail.

Section One: The Status of Women in Islam
Firstly: The Honour of Women in Islam
Islam grants women a high status and honours them more than any other religion. It views women as the counterparts of men and considers the best of men to be those who are the best to their wives.

A female new–born is granted the rights of breastfeeding, care and a good upbringing in Islam and is cherished by her parents and siblings.

When she reaches adulthood, she is beloved and held in high esteem. Her guardian protects her jealously and safeguards her from being physically assault, verbal insults and perverse looks.

If she gets married, it is by the word of Allah and part of a solemn covenant. She lives in the house of her husband in harmony and peace and it is his duty to provide for her, to respect her and to ensure her safety.

As a mother, the obedience she is owed is mentioned alongside Allah’s right just as disobedience to her is mentioned alongside polytheism and spreading corruption on earth.

As a sister, her brother must maintain ties with her, honour her and protect her fiercely.

As a maternal aunt she is considered the same as a mother in terms of good treatment and maintenance of ties.

As a grandmother or as an elderly woman, greater consideration is given to her by her children, her grandchildren and all of her relatives. She is given all that she wishes for, within reason, and her opinions are taken seriously.

Even as an unrelated stranger who is not one’s neighbour, she is owed the general Islamic rights such as the right of remaining unharmed and of not being stared at.(864)

Muslim societies, in opposition to non–Muslim societies, continue to respect these rights which grant women status and privilege. A woman has the right to individual ownership, to rent, to buy, to sell and to engage in business transactions. She has the right to an education and to teaching, provided she remains within the guidelines set by Islam. In fact, there is some knowledge whose mastery is an individual obligation upon every male and female, and which, if a person does not learn, they are considered sinful.

Women are the same as men in origin; they only differ regarding a few gender–specific rights and rulings which shall be mentioned later on in greater detail.(865)

The honour of a woman in Islam is manifested by the fact it commands her to safeguard herself and preserve her dignity so that she is safe from foul insults, unlawful gazes and physical assault. Thus, it enjoins her to veil and to cover; to conceal her beauty; to refrain from mingling with non–related males and to distance herself from all means to temptation.

Islam also honours a woman by obligating a husband to support his wife financially, to live amiably with her, to be fair to her and to not oppress her.(866) It permits the separation of spouses in cases of disagreement and disharmony in one of two ways. Failing reconciliation, a husband may resort to divorcing his wife, lest their lives become hell. Alternatively, a wife may initiate divorce proceedings if her husband is oppressive and makes life difficult for her. In the latter case, she can separate from her husband by giving him some wealth or some form of compensation which they agree upon.(867)

The status of women and their value as mothers, wives, sisters and individuals is further affirmed by numerous textual evidences which will be mentioned in the following two sub–sections.

Secondly: Various Quranic Verses Regarding Women
There are many Quranic verses which mention the standing of women, their position and their rights. The fourth chapter of the Quran is entitled ‘The Women’ and is among the longest in the Quran.

The following are some examples of Quranic verses concerning the status of women.
Allah –the Almighty– says:
(وَاعْبُدُواْ اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُواْ بِهِ شَيئاً وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا)
Sura an–Nisa•; (4):36
(Meaning: Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship, and do good to parents.)

Likewise, He –the Exalted– says:
(قُلْ تَعَالَوْاْ أَتْلُ مَا حَرَّمَ رَبُّكُمْ عَلَيْكُمْ أَلَّا تُشْرِكُواْ بِهِ شَيئاً وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًاً)
Sura al–An’am; (6):151
(Meaning: Say: “Come, I will recite what your Lord has prohibited you from: Join not anything in worship with Him; be good and dutiful to your parents.”)

Similarly, Allah –the Mighty and Majestic– says:
(وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ٢٣ وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا)
Sura al–Isra•; (17):23–4
(Meaning: And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say: “My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up when I was small.”)

Allah –the Exalted and Most High– also says:
(وَوَصَّيْنَا الإِنسَانَ بِوَالِدَيْهِ حَمَلَتْهُ أُمُّهُ وَهْناً عَلَى وَهْنٍ وَفِصَالُهُ فِي عَامَيْنِ أَنِ اشْكُرْ لِي وَلِوَالِدَيْكَ إِلَيَّ الْمَصِيرُ)
Sura Luqman; (31):14
(Meaning: And We have enjoined on man to be dutiful and good to his parents. His mother bore him in increasing weakness and hardship, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the final destination.)

Furthermore, Allah states:
(وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ وَلِلرِّجَالِ عَلَيْهِنَّ دَرَجَةٞ وَاللَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ)
Sura al–Baqarah; (2):228
(Meaning: And they have rights over their husbands similar to those of their husbands over them, in accordance with what is reasonable. But the men have a degree over them in responsibility and authority.)

He also says:
(يَآأَيُّهَا النَّاسُ اتَّقُواْ رَبَّكُمُ الَّذِي خَلَقَكُم مِّن نَّفْس وَاحِدَة وَخَلَقَ مِنْهَا زَوْجَهَا وَبَثَّ مِنْهُمَا رِجَالًا كَثِيرًا وَنِسَآءً وَاتَّقُواْ اللَّهَ الَّذِي تَسَآءَلُونَ بِهِ وَالْأَرْحَامَ إِنَّ اللَّهَ كَانَ عَلَيْكُمْ رَقِيبًا)
Sura an–Nisa•; (4):1
(Meaning: O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person, and from him He created his wife, and from them both He created many men and women. And fear Allah through Whom you demand your mutual rights, and do not cut the relations of the wombs. Surely, Allah is ever an All–Watcher over you.)

He says:
(لِّلرِّجَالِ نَصِيبٞ مِّمَّا تَرَكَ الْوَالِدَانِ وَالْأَقْرَبُونَ وَلِلنِّسَآءِ نَصِيبٞ مِّمَّا تَرَكَ الْوَالِدَانِ وَالْأَقْرَبُونَ مِمَّا قَلَّ مِنْهُ أَوْ كَثُرَ نَصِيبًا مَّفْرُوضًا)
Sura an–Nisa•; (4):7
(Meaning: For men is a share of what the parents and close relatives leave, and for women is a share of what the parents and close relatives leave, be it little or much – an obligatory share.)

And He says:
(الرِّجَالُ قَوَّامُونَ عَلَى النِّسَآءِ بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضَهُمْ عَلَى بَعْض وَبِمَآ أَنفَقُواْ مِنْ أَمْوَالِهِمْ فَالصَّالِحَاتُ قَانِتَاتٌ حَافِظَاتٞ لِّلْغَيْبِ بِمَا حَفِظَ اللَّهُ)
Sura an–Nisa•; (4):34
(Meaning: Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend to support them from their means. Therefore, the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in the husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard.)

And He says:
(إِنَّ الْمُسْلِمِينَ وَالْمُسْلِمَاتِ وَالْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَالْقَانِتِينَ وَالْقَانِتَاتِ وَالصَّادِقِينَ وَالصَّادِقَاتِ وَالصَّابِرِينَ وَالصَّابِرَاتِ وَالْخَاشِعِينَ وَالْخَاشِعَاتِ وَالْمُتَصَدِّقِينَ وَالْمُتَصَدِّقَاتِ وَالصَّآئِمِينَ وَالصَّآئِمَاتِ وَالْحَافِظِينَ فُرُوجَهُمْ وَالْحَافِظَاتِ وَالذَّاكِرِينَ اللَّهَ كَثِيرًا وَالذَّاكِرَاتِ أَعَدَّ اللَّهُ لَهُم مَّغْفِرَةً وَأَجْرًا عَظِيمًا)
Sura al–Ahzab; (33):58
(Meaning: Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so – for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.)

And He says:
(وَالَّذِينَ يُؤْذُونَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ بِغَيْرِ مَا اكْتَسَبُواْ فَقَدِ احْتَمَلُواْ بُهْتَانًا وَإِثْمًا مُّبِينًا)
Sura al–Ahzab; (33):58
(Meaning: And those who harm believing men and women undeservedly, bear on themselves the crime of slander and plain sin.)

And He says:
(وَمِنْ ءَايَاتِهِٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَالِكَ لَأٓيَات لِّقَوْم يَتَفَكَّرُونَ)
Sura ar–Rum; (30):21
(Meaning: And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.)

And He says:
(وَاللَّهُ جَعَلَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا وَجَعَلَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَزْوَاجِكُم بَنِينَ وَحَفَدَةً وَرَزَقَكُم مِّنَ الطَّيِّبَاتِ أَفَبِالْبَاطِلِ يُؤْمِنُونَ وَبِنِعْمَتِ اللَّهِ هُمْ يَكْفُرُونَ)
Sura an–Nahl; (16):72
(Meaning: And Allah has made for you wives of your own kind, and has made for you, from your wives, sons and grandsons, and has bestowed on you good provision. Do they then believe in false deities and deny the favour of Allah?)

And He says:
(فَاسْتَجَابَ لَهُمْ رَبُّهُمْ أَنِّي لَآ أُضِيعُ عَمَلَ عَامِل مِّنكُم مِّن ذَكَرٍ أَوْ أُنثَى بَعْضُكُم مِّنۢ بَعْض فَالَّذِينَ هَاجَرُواْ وَأُخْرِجُواْ مِن دِيَارِهِمْ وَأُوذُواْ فِي سَبِيلِي وَقَاتَلُواْ وَقُتِلُواْ لَأُكَفِّرَنَّ عَنْهُمْ سَيِّ‍َٔئاتِهِمْ وَلَأُدْخِلَنَّهُمْ جَنَّات تَجْرِي مِن تَحْتِهَا الْأَنْهَارُ ثَوَابًا مِّنْ عِندِ اللَّهِ وَاللَّهُ عِندَهُۥ حُسْنُ الثَّوَابِ)
Sura aali–‘Imran; (3):195
(Meaning: And their Lord responded to them: “Never will I allow to be lost the work of any of you, whether male or female; you are of one another. So those who emigrated and were driven out from their homes, and suffered harm in My cause, and who fought, and were killed in My cause, verily, I will remit from them their evil deeds and admit them into Gardens under which rivers flow; a reward from Allah, and with Allah is the best of rewards.)

And He says:
(مَنْ عَمِلَ صَالِحًا مِّن ذَكَرٍ أَوْ أُنثَى وَهُوَ مُؤْمِنٞ فَلَنُحْيِيَنَّهُۥ حَيَاةً طَيِّبَةً وَلَنَجْزِيَنَّهُمْ أَجْرَهُم بِأَحْسَنِ مَا كَانُواْ يَعْمَلُونَ)
Sura an–Nahl; (16):97
(Meaning: Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer – We will surely cause him to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward according to the best of what they used to do.)

And He says:
(وَمَا كَانَ لِمُؤْمِن وَلَا مُؤْمِنَةٍ إِذَا قَضَى اللَّهُ وَرَسُولُهُۥٓ أَمْرًا أَن يَكُونَ لَهُمُ الْخِيَرَةُ مِنْ أَمْرِهِمْ وَمَن يَعْصِ اللَّهَ وَرَسُولَهُۥ فَقَدْ ضَلَّ ضَلَالًا مُّبِينًا)
Sura al–Ahzab; (33):36
(Meaning: It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His Messenger have decreed a matter that they should have any option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, he has indeed strayed in a plain error.)

And He said:
( فَاعْلَمْ أَنَّهُۥ لَآ إِلَهَ إِلَّا اللَّهُ وَاسْتَغْفِرْ لِذَنۢبِكَ وَلِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ وَالْمُؤْمِنَاتِ وَاللَّهُ يَعْلَمُ مُتَقَلَّبَكُمْ وَمَثْوَاكُمْ)
Sura Muhammad; (47):19
(Meaning: Know that there is no deity except Allah and ask forgiveness for your sin and for the believing men and believing women. And Allah knows of your movement and your resting place.)

Thirdly: Various Prophetic Traditions Regarding Women
There are many Prophetic traditions that discuss women and their rights and responsibilities.

The following narrations offer some examples in this regard.
1. A man came to the Prophet  and said:
“O Messenger of Allah, who is most deserving of my good companionship?” The Prophet  replied: “Your mother.” The man said: “Then who?” The Prophet  again replied: “Your mother.” The man said: “Then who?” The Prophet –peace be upon him– said: “Your father.”(868)

2. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“Fear Allah regarding women, for you take them under Allah’s trust and have the right to intercourse with them through Allah’s word. Thus, you must feed and clothe them appropriately.”(869)

3. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“Of the dinars you spend in the way of Allah, or to free a slave, or as a charity you give to a needy person, or to support your family, the best one is that which you spend on your family.”(870)

4. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“Start with yourself and give charity to it. If anything remains, give it to your family, if there is still something left after your family has been taken care of, then give it to your relatives. If there is anything left after your relatives have been taken care of, then give it to such and such.”(871)

5. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“Take my advice with regard to women, for they were created from a bent rib, and the most crooked part of a rib is its uppermost part. If you attempt to straighten it, you will break it, and if you leave it alone it will remain crooked, so act kindly toward women.”(872)

6. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“A believing man should not hate a believing woman; if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.” Reported by Muslim.

7. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“The most complete of the believers in faith is the one with the best character among them and the best of you are those who are best to your women.” Reported by Ahmad and at–Tirmidhi who said: “Good, authentic.”

8. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“From the worst of people on the Day of Judgment is a man who has relations with his wife and she has relations with him, then he divulges her secrets.” Reported by Muslim.

9. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“I have issued a warning concerning failure to fulfil the rights of the two weak ones: orphans and women.” Reported by Ahmad, Ibn Majah, Ibn Hibban and al–Hakim who said regarding it: ‘Its chain of narration is authentic according to the criterion of Muslim.’ Adh–Dhahabi agreed with him.

10. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“Women are the counterparts of men.” Reported by Ahmad, Ibn Majah, At–Tirmidhi, and Abu Dawud. Ahmad Shakir declared it to be authentic in his checking of At–Tirmidhi.

11. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“Do not beat your wives as if they were slaves and then sleep with them.”

12. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“Whoever has two wives and is inclined to favour one of them over the other, he will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body paralysed.”(873)

13. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“A nonvirgin should not be given in marriage except after consulting her, and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission has been sought.” The people asked: O Messenger of Allah, how can her consent be solicited?” He said: “By her silence.”(874)

14. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“Whoever is tested by having daughters and he treats them with benevolence, then they will act as a shield for him from the Fire.”(875)

15. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“There is not one of you with three daughters or three sisters, or two daughters or two sisters, who fears Allah regarding them and treats them in the best manner except that he will enter Paradise.”(876)

Fourthly: The Status of Women in Other Societies
In the previous subsections, the status of women in Islam was explored. This subsection will aim to compare this with the standing of women in other civilizations and cultures. Human–inspired systems do not honour women; for example, when a girl reaches the age of eighteen, and sometimes even younger, her father is absolved of responsibility and she is left to fend for herself. In extreme cases, she may even be left homeless, not knowing where her next meal will come from, and thus be forced to give up her chastity and morality.

Islam preserves the dignity of women and honours them, whereas other cultures and societies consider them to be to be the origin of sin and to be impure beings. They deny them ownership rights and positions of responsibility and force them to live lives of humiliation and dishonour.

While Islam honours women, other societies objectify women and treat them as a commodity by depicting them in various roles for the purposes of advertising and marketing.

Some civilizations view marriage as a business transaction wherein a woman is effectively sold to become the property of her husband. In the not so distant past, the reality of women as humans was something debatable!(877)

A Muslim female has the right to happiness in this world, whether she is living with her family in her infancy, or in the care of her husband during her youth, or in the company of her children during old age, regardless of whether she is rich, poor, healthy or sick.

If violations of women’s rights occur in certain Muslim countries or at the hands of those who ascribe to Islam then they are due to ignorance, negligence and religious laxity. The religion of Islam is free from such injustices and it is the perpetrators of such violations who will bear the responsibility for their actions. These infringements of women’s rights can be prevented by returning to the true religion of Islam and its guidance.

It is possible to summarise the status of women in Islam in these few words:
chastity, preservation, affection, mercy and care. This list is not exhaustive; however, it is accurate to say that modern society knows hardly any of these values and that it views women in materialistic terms. This is illustrated by the fact that chastity and the veil are considered backward and regressive, whereas women being at the disposal of anybody, like toys, is the secret to true happiness. Such people are unaware that the uncovering of women and the ensuing dishonour are the causes of her misery and torment.

If this is not the case, then how is it that progression and education can be equated with nudity and mingling? Does education and sophistication require wearing tight, see–through or short clothing? What dignity remains for women when they are used suggestively in advertising and marketing? Why is it that only attractive women are chosen to be displayed? Why, when the beauty of those models fades with age, are they abandoned and left aside like expired goods? What share of this civilization do ordinary–looking women have? What share do mothers, grandmothers and elderly women have? The best–case scenario for them would be to end up in shelters or care homes, where no–one visits them or checks up on them. Or they live alone on a meagre pension or on benefits, until their passing, with no relatives to visit them, nor anyone to care for them.(878)

In Islam, however, the older a woman becomes, the more she is respected and revered by those around her. Her children and relatives compete to serve her and to show her kindness as they acknowledge she has led a long, productive life and recognise that she has the right to be cared for by her children, grandchildren, family and society.

The claim that chastity and covering are backward and regressive is entirely false. On the contrary, nudity and immodesty cause misery and torment and are indicative of regression. Proof for this is that the scantily clad, animal–like primitives who live in remote areas such as jungles, only begin to become more civilised after beginning to wear clothing. An observer studying the evolution of such peoples is able to notice that as they evolve and develop, they cover more of their bodies. Western civilization has regressed in this sense and has slowly become so accustomed to nudism that entire ‘naturist’ communities have formed and grown in popularity, particularly following World War One.(879)

All of this highlights the great position of women in Islam, as well as how lost and degenerate those distant from Islam are.

The foregoing paragraphs have been a brief overview of the honour granted to women by Islam.

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(864) See: ‘Ahkam al–Quran’ of Ibn al–‘Arabi (1/253); ‘Majmu’ al–Fatawa’ of Ibn Taymiyyah (29, 32); ‘Zaad al–Ma’ad’ of Ibn Al–Qayyim (2/302); ‘Badaai’ al–Fawa•id’ (3/151–2); ‘Badai’ as–Sanaai’’ (4/23)’ ‘Adwa• al–Bayan’ of ash–Shanqiti (3/415–23); & ‘Ahkam az–Zawaj’ of al–Ashqar (pp. 43, 49).

(865) See: ‘Nayl al–Awtar’ of ash–Shawkani (6/418).

(866) See: ‘al–Mughni’ of Ibn Qudamah (11/347); ‘al–Mabsoot’ of as–Sarakhsi (5/180); ‘Bidayat al–Mujtahid’ of Ibn Rushd (2/53); & ‘Hashiyat Ibn Abidin’ (3/572).

(867) See: ‘Majmu’ al–Fatawa’ (32, 74, 281); ‘Nida• Lil–Jins al–Latif’ of Muhammad Rashid Ridaa (pp. 44–50); & ‘at–Talaq wal–‘Iddah Bayna at–Tashri’ wa al–Waqi’’ of Muhammad Bazzaal (pp. 26–7).

(868) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 5626) and Muslim (no. 2548).

(869) Reported by Muslim (no. 1218).

(870) Reported by Muslim (no. 995).

(871) Reported by Muslim (no. 997).

(872) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 3153) and Muslim (no. 1468).

(873) Reported by Ahmad (no. 7923), at–Tirmidhi (no. 1141) and Abu Dawud (no. 2135). Al–Albani said in ‘Sahih Abi Dawud’ (no. 1851): “Its chain of narration is authentic according to the criteria of the two sheikhs (i.e. al–Bukhari and Muslim).”

(874) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 4843) and Muslim (no. 1419).

(875) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 1352) and Muslim (no. 2629).

(876) Reported by Ahmad (no. 11402). Al–Albani graded it as ‘good’ in ‘Sahih al–Adab al–Mufrad’ (no. 97).

(877) See: ‘Matha Yuridun Min al–Mar•ah’ of ‘Abdus–Salam Basyuni (pp. 63–6, 120); ‘Min Ajl Tahrir Haqiqi Lil–Mar•ah’ of Muhammad Rashid al–‘Uwayd (pp. 14, 16–21, 48–9); & ‘al–Mujtama’ al–‘Aari bil–Wathaiqi wal–Arqam’ (pp. 56–7).

(878) See: ‘Husununa Muhaddadah min Dakhiliha’ (pp. 89–90); ‘Wahy al–Qalam’ of ar–Rifa’i (1/204) & ‘Rasa•il al–Islah’ (2/223).

(879) See: ‘Talbis Mardud fi Qadaya Hayyah’ of Dr. Salih bin Humayd (pp. 65–8) & ‘Husununa Muhaddadah min Dakhiliha’ (pp. 89–90).

Section Two: Marriage in Islam
Introduction
Marriage in Islam is a sacred bond and a solemn commitment. All divine religions encourage with marriage because it is the answer to an innate human need. It results in tranquillity, affection, mercy, harmony and refinement while ensuring the perpetuation and maintenance of humankind.

A good, enjoyable life can be achieved through a happy marriage based on religious observance and good character. Both spouses should be amiable towards each other and fulfil the rights of their partner over them in a relationship of mutual advice, respect and understanding.

When spouses fulfil their duties to each other, happiness ensues and problems cease, leading to positive consequences on the family and on society in general. A society is the sum of its parts; thus, the functionality of a society is dependent upon the functionality of the structures that it is made up of. In other words, a healthy society can only be achieved if the households it comprises are functioning healthily. The health and prosperity of a society contribute in turn to its overall strength, happiness and honour.

For this reason, Islam attaches importance to marital relationships and is concerned with strengthening and maintaining them as much as possible.(880)

This section will aim to discuss the Islamic legality of marriage, the reasons for its prescription and other related rulings.

Firstly: The Islamic Legality of Marriage
The simple ruling regarding marriage in Islam is legality. However, there are varying degrees of legality ranging from permissibility to obligation which may be assigned to marriage. Consideration of the religious texts concerning marriage leads one to the conclusion that marriage is not simply permissible but recommended or even mandatory.

Numerous Islamic scholars view marriage as either an individual or a communal obligation, due to the evidences which enjoin it.

such as the saying of Allah –the Almighty–:
(فَانكِحُواْ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَآءِ)
Sura an–Nisa•; (4):3
(Meaning: Then marry those that please you of women.)

Likewise, Allah says:
(وَأَنكِحُواْ الْأَيَامَى مِنكُمْ)
Sura an–Nur; (24):32
(Meaning: And marry the unmarried among you.)

Similarly, the Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“O young men, whoever among you has the means then let him get married, for it is more effective in restraining the eyes and in protecting one’s chastity. As for whoever does not possess the means to get married, then let him fast, for it will be a restraint for him (from temptation).”(881)

These scholars interpret the nature of such commands as being indicative of obligation due to the lack of evidence allowing for a different interpretation. Furthermore, they point out that the Prophet  declared marriage to be from his tradition and he reproached celibates.(882)

However, majority of scholars are of the opinion that marriage is recommended in Islam for those who do not fear the temptation of fornication, whereas it is obligatory upon those who have the means if they are fearful of falling into fornication.(883)

Secondly: Reasons for the Islamic Prescription of Marriage
There are many reasons for the Islamic prescription of marriage, which include:
1. Marriage enacts the command of Allah and His Messenger.

Allah –the Almighty says:
(وَأَنكِحُواْ الْأَيَامَى مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَآئِكُمْ)
Sura an–Nur; (24):32
(Meaning: And marry those among you who are single and also marry your righteous among your male slaves and female slaves.)

Allah also says:
(فَانكِحُواْ مَا طَابَ لَكُم مِّنَ النِّسَآءِ)
Sura an–Nisa•; (4):3
(Meaning: Then marry those that please you of women.)

Similarly, the Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“O young men, whoever among you has the means then let him get married, for it is more effective in restraining the eyes and in protecting one’s chastity.”(884)

2. Marriage is a source of reward. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said: “A man's sexual intercourse with his wife is a charity”(885)

Many scholars consider marriage better than devoting oneself to supererogatory acts of worship due to the benefits it contains.(886)

3. Marriage preserves chastity. Marriage is from the greatest means of preserving the virtue of chastity, and the means to something take the same ruling as that of the end goal itself, as is established by the religion and the customary practice of people.

4. Marriage ensures the maintenance and perpetuation of humankind. The wisdom of Allah dictates that the continuity of humankind through marriage is necessary for religion to be established upon earth and for global reform to take place.

5. Marriage causes tranquillity, affection and mercy in a person by providing them with a spouse who loves and cares for them.

Allah –the Almighty– says:
(وَمِنْ ءَايَاتِهِٓ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُم مِّنْ أَنفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِّتَسْكُنُوٓاْ إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُم مَّوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَالِكَ لَأٓيَات لِّقَوْم يَتَفَكَّرُونَ)
Sura ar–Rum; (30):21
(Meaning: And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed, in that are signs for a people who give thought.)

6. Marriage extends families and creates emotional ties between people. As well as affecting the two spouses, marital ties also have an effect on their families and thus increase social solidarity.

7. Marriage allows for procreation. Another of the blessings of marriage is the gift of procreation and the ability to nurture a child who will be a source of joy during their parents’ lifetime and will cause people to remember them in a positive light after their death.

8. Marriage preserves the moral fabric of society from dissolution and also prevents from the spread of destructive diseases.

9. Marriage results in prosperity. This is from the mysterious benefits of marriage unknown to many people.

Allah –the Almighty– says:
(وَأَنكِحُواْ الْأَيَامَىا مِنكُمْ وَالصَّالِحِينَ مِنْ عِبَادِكُمْ وَإِمَآئِكُمْ إِن يَكُونُواْ فُقَرَآءَ يُغْنِهِمُ اللَّهُ مِن فَضْلِهِ وَاللَّهُ وَاسِعٌ عَلِيم)
Sura an–Nur; (24):32
(Meaning: And marry those among you who are single and also marry your righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is All–Encompassing, All–Knowing.)

Likewise, the Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“There are three people that Allah is in aid of: a person who gets married seeking to preserve their chastity, a slave who has a contract of manumission and wants to buy his freedom and a warrior who fights in battle for the sake of Allah.”(887)

In summary, marriage has many benefits which help to uphold the religion and improve quality of life in general.

Thirdly: Rulings Related to Marriage:
The Rights and Responsibilities of Spouses
Marriage in Islam is based on rights and responsibilities which each of the spouses must fulfil. Both before and after getting married, there are also certain rulings a person must adhere to.

such as:
1. The prohibition of forced marriage. Islamic scholars have declared it impermissible to coerce a woman into marrying a suitor against her will. Rather, a woman’s consent must be sought by her guardian, regardless of whether she is a virgin or a nonvirgin.

Evidence for the impermissibility of forcing a nonvirgin woman into getting married can be found in the narration of Al–Khansa bint Khitham Al–Ansariyyah referenced by Al–Bukhari and Muslim, wherein she mentions that her father married her off while she was a nonvirgin and that she was unwilling, so she went to the Messenger of Allah –peace be upon him– and he annulled her marriage.”(888)

Further evidence can be found in the narration referenced by Al–Bukhari on the authority of Abu Bakr –may Allah be pleased with him– that Prophet Muhammad –peace be upon him– said: “A nonvirgin should not be given in marriage except after consulting her, and a virgin should not be given in marriage except after her permission has been sought.” The people asked: O Messenger of Allah, how can her consent be solicited?” He said: “By her silence.”(889)

2. The prohibition of proposing to a woman who is already engaged. Prophet Muhammad –peace be upon him– said: “None of you should outbid the sale of another person after its completion, nor should you propose to someone who is already engaged”(890)

In a variant narration referenced by the two canonical collections of Prophetic traditions, Abu Hurayrah –may Allah be pleased with him– relays the saying of Prophet Muhammad –peace be upon him–: “A man should not propose to a woman who is already engaged”(891) In the version of Al–Bukhari, it mentions: “Until he marries her or abandons the idea” and the version of Muslim states: “Until he gives up on it.”(892)

The reason for the prohibition of proposing to a woman who is already engaged is primarily to prevent enmity and bitterness between suitors. Further reasons for this prohibition are that it leads to a person thinking highly of themselves while looking down upon others and that it constitutes injustice. Such a practice is comparable to outbidding or undercutting someone in a business transaction as they also cause hatred and hostility.

When a second suitor proposes to a woman after she has accepted the proposal of her first suitor or while she is still deciding, it leads to animosity between people. An additional proposal from a second suitor may lead a woman to have a change of heart and to refuse her first suitor, who, otherwise, she may have been inclined to marry. If, however, the first suitor has a change of heart or if either party refuses, then there is no harm in other suitors asking for a woman’s hand in marriage.(893)

3. The pillars of an Islamic marriage contract:
the two pillars of an Islamic marriage contract are: the offer of marriage and its acceptance.(894)

What is meant by the offer of marriage and its acceptance is: the words uttered by each of the parties which indicate their satisfaction with the contract. Provided these words are uttered by eligible parties or their representatives, namely the suitor and his betrothed, the marriage contract is considered complete.(895)

4. The dowry:
the dowry refers to the wealth which a man must give to the woman he marries. Allah refers to it in the Quran as dower, due and an obligation.(896)

The dowry is compulsory due to the command of Allah in His saying:
(وَءَاتُواْ النِّسَآءَ صَدُقَاتِهِنَّ نِحْلَةً)
Sura an–Nisa•; (4):4
(Meaning: And give women upon marriage their dower graciously.) i.e. willingly and good–heartedly.

This duty is further emphasized by the saying of Allah –the Almighty–:
(فَمَا اسْتَمْتَعْتُم بِهِ مِنْهُنَّ فَ‍َٔئاتُوهُنَّ أُجُورَهُنَّ فَرِيضَةً)
Sura an–Nisa•; (4):24
(Meaning: With those of whom you have enjoyed sexual relations, give them their due as an obligation.) i.e. give your wives their dowries.

5. Financial support of one’s wife:
From the rights of a wife upon her husband is that he spends upon her reasonably. Financial support refers to money spent on accommodation, food, childcare, clothing and the like, such that a wife does not need to subject herself to embarrassment and so that her health and honour are protected. These expenses are to be paid for by the husband in accordance with the means he has at his disposal.

Most scholars are of the opinion that if a husband experiences financial difficulty such that he cannot provide for his wife and she is intolerant of such circumstances, then she is entitled to separation from him out of necessity.(897)

6. Amiability towards one’s wife:
A wife is more entitled to the kindness and good treatment of her husband than other people. Thus, he should be cheerful and light–hearted in her presence; he should bring joy to her heart and offer her company in her solitude, and he should make her feel worthy and dear to him. Similarly, amiability includes devoting time to one’s wife by conversing with her, listening to her and showing interest in what she says. He must not neglect his wife or walk away while she is speaking unless she gives him permission to do so.

A husband must also groom and beautify himself for his wife as this is from the mutual rights between them.

Allah –the Almighty– says:
(وَلَهُنَّ مِثْلُ الَّذِي عَلَيْهِنَّ)
Sura al–Baqarah; (2):228
(Meaning: They have rights similar to those over them.)

Ibn ‘Abbas –may Allah be pleased with him and his father– said in exegesis of this verse:
“Verily, I love to beautify myself for my wife, just as I love for her to beautify herself for me, due to the saying of Allah the Almighty: ‘They have rights similar to those over them.’”(898)

Furthermore, amiability towards one’s wife constitutes that a husband does not speak regarding their intimate secrets. On the authority of Abu Sa’eed Al–Khudri –may Allah be pleased with him– that Prophet Muhammad –peace be upon him– said: “From the worst of people on the Day of Judgment is a man who has relations with his wife and she has relations with him, then he divulges her secrets.”(899) The only cases wherein disclosure of intimate secrets is permissible are: if a person wanted to seek a religious ruling or for medical reasons and the like. In cases of necessity such as these, it is only allowed to divulge as much information as is required.

7. Amiability towards one’s husband:
A wife must acknowledge the goodness of her husband and thank him for that which he provides her with from food, clothing, gifts and the like. She should ask Allah to reward him and she should show appreciation for all he gives her within his means, as this will bring him happiness and encourages him to be even more good–natured. In addition, a wife must be mindful of the fact that her husband is the one who introduced her to one of the greatest blessings by causing her to bear children and experience the joys of motherhood.

Among the obligatory rights a wife owes her husband is that she takes care of him, such as by preparing him food, washing his clothes and maintaining the home they live in. This is based on the exchange between the Prophet  and the paternal aunt of Husayn bin Mihsan. He asked her: “Are you married?” to which she replied: “Yes.” He proceeded to ask: “How are you towards your husband?” She responded: “I do not fall short in his service except with regard to what I am unable to do.” He said: “Then look to your standing with him, for indeed he is your Paradise and your Fire.”(900)

Although a wife is obliged to serve her husband to the best of her ability, it is not permissible for a husband to burden her with more than she can bear. Rather, he should show her leniency and should help her with domestic chores, just as the Messenger of Allah –peace be upon him– used to do with his wives.

When the Mother of the Believers, Aisha –may Allah be pleased with her–, was asked:
“How was the Prophet  at home?” she replied: “He was at the service of his family. However, if the time for prayer entered, he would leave for prayer.”(901)

A variant narration mentions that she was asked:
“What did the Messenger of Allah –peace be upon him– do at home? She replied by saying: “He was a human like other humans. He removed the lice from his clothing and milked his sheep.”(902)

If the husband does not help his wife in the performance of these tasks, at the very least he should praise her, thank her and show her gratitude.(903)

Section Three:  Infants in Islam
Islam grants infants a prestigious position by assuring them care and assigning them rights which ensure their happiness and dignity. This is elaborated in the following points:

1. Islam strongly denounces some of the pre–Islamic practices which some of the Arabs used to engage in out of destitution, such as infanticide.

Allah the Almighty says:
(وَلَا تَقْتُلُوٓاْ أَوْلَادَكُمْ خَشْيَةَ إِمْلَاق نَّحْنُ نَرْزُقُهُمْ وَإِيَّاكُمْ إِنَّ قَتْلَهُمْ كَانَ خِطْئًا كَبِيرًا)
Sura al–Isra•; (17):31
(Meaning: And kill not your children for fear of poverty. We provide for them and for you. Surely, the killing of them is a great wrongdoing.)

Ibn Kathir –may Allah have mercy upon him– wrote in exegesis of this verse:
“This noble verse indicates that Allah the Almighty is more merciful to His servants than a father is to his own child, as Allah not only prohibits the killing of children but He also commands parents to give them their rightful share of inheritance. The people of the pre–Islamic period of ignorance used to prevent girls in particular from inheritance and some even resorted to killing their daughters fearing destitution.

Thus, Allah forbade this in His saying:
(وَلَا تَقْتُلُوٓاْ أَوْلَادَكُمْ خَشْيَةَ إِمْلَاق)
Sura al–Isra•; (17):31
(Meaning: And kill not your children for fear of poverty.) i.e lest they may make you poor in the future.

This is why Allah mentions the children’s provision first in the completion of the verse:
(نَّحْنُ نَرْزُقُهُمْ وَإِيَّاكُمْ)
Sura al–Isra•; (17):31
(Meaning: We provide for them and for you.)

A similar verse occurs in Sura Al–An’am, wherein Allah says:
(وَلَا تَقْتُلُوٓاْ أَوْلَادَكُم مِّنْ إِمْلَاق)
Sura al–An’am; (6):151
(Meaning: And do not kill your children because of penury.) i.e. out of poverty.

(نَّحْنُ نَرْزُقُكُمْ وَإِيَّاهُمْ)
Sura al–An’am; (6):151
(Meaning: We will provide for you and for them.)

(إِنَّ قَتْلَهُمْ كَانَ خِطْ‍ًٔئًا كَبِيرًا)
Sura al–Isra•; (17):31
(Meaning: Surely, the killing of them is a great wrongdoing.) i.e. a grave sin.(904)

In the two canonical collections of Prophetic traditions, there occurs a narration on the authority of ‘Abdullah bin Mas’ud –may Allah be pleased with him and his father– who said: “I said: ‘O Messenger of Allah, what is the greatest sin?’ He replied: ‘To associate another deity with Allah while it is He Who created you.’ I said: ‘Then what?’ He replied: ‘That you kill your child for fear that they will eat with you.’ I said: ‘Then what?’ He replied: ‘That you commit adultery with your neighbour’s wife.’(905)

2. Islam encourages procreation.
Allah the Almighty says:
(فَالْآنَ بَاشِرُوهُنَّ وَابْتَغُواْ مَا كَتَبَ اللَّهُ لَكُمْ)
Sura al–Baqarah; (2):187
(Meaning: So now, have relations with them and seek that which Allah has decreed for you.)

Ibn ‘Abbas said regarding the saying of Allah:
“And seek that which Allah has decreed for you” i.e. offspring.

Similarly, the Prophet –peace be upon him– said:
“Marry the one who is fertile and loving, for I will compete with the nations for superiority in numbers on the Day of Resurrection.”(906)

3. Islam prohibits grieving the birth of girls and Allah describes this as being from blameworthy pre–Islamic practices in His saying:
(وَإِذَا بُشِّرَ أَحَدُهُم بِالْأُنثَى ظَلَّ وَجْهُهُۥ مُسْوَدًّا وَهُوَ كَظِيم)
Sura an–Nahl; (16):58
(Meaning: And when the news of the birth of a female child is brought to any of them, his face becomes dark and he is filled with inward grief.)

4. Breastfeeding is the Islamic right of infants. A mother should breastfeed her child as much as possible and a father should spend upon the mother during the infancy of their child so that she can continue to breastfeed.

Allah the Almighty says:
(وَالْوَالِدَاتُ يُرْضِعْنَ أَوْلَادَهُنَّ حَوْلَيْنِ كَامِلَيْنِ لِمَنْ أَرَادَ أَن يُتِمَّ الرَّضَاعَةَ وَعَلَى الْمَوْلُودِ لَهُۥ رِزْقُهُنَّ وَكِسْوَتُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ)
Sura al–Baqarah; (2):233
(Meaning: Mothers may breastfeed their children two complete years for whoever wishes to complete the nursing period. Upon the father is the mother’s provision and clothing according to what is reasonable.)

5. There is great reward associated with the proper upbringing of children until they reach the age of maturity. The Prophet –peace be upon him– said: “Whoever takes full charge of two girls then I and he will enter Paradise like these two.” And he interlocked his fingers.(907) To take full charge means to support, nurture and educate them.

In a variant narration, Prophet Muhammad –peace be upon him– says:
“Whoever has three daughters and is patient towards them, feeds them, provides them with drink and clothes them from his wealth, then they will be a shield for him from the Fire on the Day of Resurrection.”(908)

Moreover, the Prophet  explained that the best expenditure is that which a person spends upon their own family. He  said: “The best dinar that a man can spend is a dinar that he spends on his family.”(909) Abu Qilabah, one of the narrators of this tradition, said: “No person is deserving of greater reward than one who spends on young members of their family and either saves them from want or profits them and enriches them by the will of Allah.”

Similarly, Prophet Muhammad –peace be upon him– says:
“A dinar which you give to a poor person; a dinar you give to free a slave; a dinar you spend in the way of Allah; and a dinar which you spend on your family. The one yielding the most reward is that which you spend on your family.”(910)

6. Upbringing of children is a responsibility which a person will be accountable for on the Day of Resurrection. Whoever fulfils this responsibility will be rewarded generously, but whoever fails to do so may be punished. Prophet Muhammad –peace be upon him– said: “All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects… a man is the guardian of his family and he is accountable for them; the woman is a guardian and is accountable for her household and offspring.”(911)

7. Islam gives great concern to orphans by placing importance on their care, instructing with kindness to them, warning against abusing them or displaying harshness towards them. The evidences from the Quran and the Prophetic traditions are almost innumerable in this regard.

For example, Allah the Almighty says in description of the people of Paradise:
(وَيُطْعِمُونَ الطَّعَامَ عَلَى حُبِّهِ مِسْكِينًا وَيَتِيمًا وَأَسِيرًا)
Sura al–Insan; (76):8
(Meaning: And they give food in spite of love for it to the needy, the orphan, and the captive.)

He also encourages the care of orphans with His saying:
(فَأَمَّا الْيَتِيمَ فَلَا تَقْهَرْ)
Sura ad–Duha; (93):9
(Meaning: So as for the orphan, do not oppress.)

Furthermore, Allah warns against devouring the wealth of orphans in His saying:
(إِنَّ الَّذِينَ يَأْكُلُونَ أَمْوَالَ الْيَتَامَى ظُلْمًا إِنَّمَا يَأْكُلُونَ فِي بُطُونِهِمْ نَارًاً وَسَيَصْلَوْنَ سَعِيرًا)
Sura an–Nisa•; (4):10
(Meaning: Verily, those who unjustly eat up the property of orphans, consume nothing but fire into their bellies, and they will be burnt in the blazing Fire.)

Similarly, Allah rebukes those who do not honour orphans:
(كَلَّاً بَل لَّا تُكْرِمُونَ الْيَتِيمَ)
Sura al–Fajr; (89):17
(Meaning: Nay! But you treat not the orphans with kindness and generosity.)

Moreover, Allah says regarding those who humiliate orphans:
(أَرَءَيْتَ الَّذِي يُكَذِّبُ بِالدِّينِ ١ فَذَالِكَ الَّذِي يَدُعُّ الْيَتِيمَ)
Sura al–Ma’un; (107):1–2
(Meaning: Have you seen the one who denies the Recompense? That is the one who repulses the orphan.)

The Prophet  said regarding the one who looks after an orphan:
“The one who takes care of an orphan will be this close to me in Paradise.” He  illustrated by raising his forefinger and middle finger, separating between them slightly.(912)

8. Islam prohibits the killing of children, even during war:
Prophet Muhammad –peace be upon him– used to instruct his generals by saying: “Go into battle in the name of Allah and in the path of Allah. Fight those who disbelieve in Allah; fight and do not be treacherous nor dishonest about the spoils of war; do not mutilate and do not kill children.”(913) This advice, among others which he gave to his armies, shall be further explored under the discussion of warfare in Islam.

9. Islam protects infants from being oppressed within their family units. Treatment of all children, young and old, must be fair and free from favouritism. The noble companion, An–Nu’man bin Bashir –may Allah be pleased with him– said: “My father gave me some of his property, so my mother said: ‘I shall not be content until you make the Messenger of Allah –peace be upon him– a witness to it.’ My father then went to the Prophet  so that he could witness my father’s gift to me, however the Messenger of Allah –peace be upon him– said to him: ‘Have you done the same with the rest of your children?’ to which he replied: ‘No.’ The Prophet –peace be upon him– said: ‘Fear Allah and be fair to your children.’ Upon hearing this, my father took back the gift he had initially given to me.” In a variant narration, it mentions: “Call me not as a witness, for I cannot bear witness to injustice.”(914)

Equity is not limited to physical items, rather it encompasses intangible matters such as affection, tenderness, closeness and so on.

There are many Islamic rulings concerning infants which encompass all stages of their childhood, from conception to maturity, after which they adopt the rulings pertaining to responsible adults.

Further examples of an infant’s rights in Islam are choice of a suitable name; religious andsecular education; protection from all harms, et cetera.(915)

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(880) See: ‘Rasa•il al–Islah’ of Shaikh Muhammad al–Khidr Husayn (1/173–4); ‘Islah al–Mujtama’’ of al–Bayhani (p. 283) & ‘Ta•akhhur Sinn az–Zawaj’ of Dr. Abdur–Rabb Nawab ad–Din (pp. 19–34).

(881) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 5066) and Muslim (no. 1400).

(882) See: ‘Ahkam az–Zawaj’ of Dr ‘Umar al–Ashqar (p. 28).

(883) See: ‘Hashiyat Ibn ‘Abidin’ (3/7); ‘Bada•i’ as–Sana•i’’ (2/228); ‘Kifayat al–Akhyar’ of al–Husayni (5/67); ‘Rawdat at–Talibin’ (7/18); ‘Sahih Muslim’ with the explanation of an–Nawawi (9/522–3); ‘Sharh az–Zarkashi ‘Ala Mukhtasar al–Khiraqi’ of az–Zarkashi with the checking of Shaikh ‘Abdullah bin Jibrin (5/5–8); ‘Mughni al–Muhtaj’ (3/125); ‘Mukhtasar al–Muzani’ (3/255); ‘al–Kafi fi Fiqh Ahl al–Madinah’ of Ibn ‘Abdul–Barr (2/519); ‘Jawahir al–Iklil’ of al–Aabi (1/474) & ‘Ahkam az–Zawaj’ (p. 32).

(884) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 5066) and Muslim (no. 1400).

(885) Reported by Muslim (no. 1006).

(886) See: ‘Hashiyat Ibn ‘Abidin’ (p. 33) & ‘Ahkam az–Zawaj’ (pp. 17–9).

(887) Reported by Ahmad (2/251, 427); at–Tirmidhi (no. 1655); an–Nasa•i (6/61) and Ibn Majah from a narration of Abu Hurayrah. at–Tirmidhi said regarding it: “It is a good narration.”

(888) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 5138) and Muslim (no. 1419).

(889) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 5136).

(890) Reported by Muslim (no. 1412).

(891) Reported by Muslim (no. 1412).

(892) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 5142) and Muslim (no. 1414).

(893) See: ‘Ahkam az–Zawaj’ (pp. 43–6).

(894) See: ‘ash–Sharh al–Kabir’ of Ibn Qudamah (7/370).

(895) See: ‘Ahkam az–Zawaj’ (p. 80).

(896) See: ‘Rawdat at–Talibin’ of an–Nawawi (7/249).

(897) See: ‘Zaad al–Ma’ad’ of Ibn Al–Qayyim (5/511–22); ‘Fath al–Bari’ (9/418–21); ‘Nayl al–Awtar’ of ash–Shawkani (6/762–66) & ‘al–Mas•uliyyah fil–Islam’ (p. 126).

(898) See: ‘Tafsir Ibn Kathir’ (1/238).

(899) Reported by Muslim (no. 1437).

(900) Reported by Ahmad (4/341, 6/419); Ibn Abi Shaybah (4/304); al–Humaydi (no. 355); an–Nasa•i in ‘al–Kubra’ (no. 8962); al–Bayhaqi (7/291); at–Tabarani in ‘al–Kabir’ (25/183) & al–Haakim (2/189) who said regarding it: ‘Authentic’. adh–Dhahabi agreed with him and al–Munthiri found its chain of narration to be good in ‘at–Targhib’ (3/53).

(901) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 3069).

(902) Reported by Ahmad (6/256); al–Bukhari in ‘al–Adab al–Mufrad’ (no. 541) & Ibn Hibban (no. 5646). al–Albani graded it as authentic in ‘Sahih al–Adab al–Mufrad’ (no. 420).

(903) Further details can be found in ‘Min Akhta• al–Azwaj’ of Muhammad al–Hamad (pp. 40–1).

(904) See: ‘Tafsir al–Quran al–Adhim’ (3/63).

(905) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 4483) and Muslim (no. 86).

(906) Reported by Abu Dawud (no. 2052).

(907) Reported by Muslim (no. 2631).

(908) Reported by Ibn Majah (no. 3669) and declared as authentic by al–Albani in ‘as–Sahihah’ (no. 294).

(909) Reported by Muslim (no. 994).

(910) Reported by Muslim (no. 995).

(911) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 2278) and Muslim (no. 1829).

(912) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 4998).

(913) Reported by Muslim (no. 1731).

(914) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 2447) and Muslim (no. 1623).

(915) For more detail, see: ‘Tuhfat al–Mawdud fi Ahkam al–Mawlud’ of Ibn Al–Qayyim; ‘al–Mas•uliyyah fil–Islam’ of Dr. ‘Abdullah Qawiri (pp. 97–119, 147–53); ‘Tarbiyat al–Awlad fil–Islam’ of Shaikh ‘Abdullah ‘Alwan; ‘Mas•uliyyat al–Ab al–Muslim fi Tarbiyat al–Walad fi Marhalat at–Tufulah’ of Dr. ‘Adnan Baharith & ‘Huquq al–Insan fi al–Yahudiyyah wal–Masihiyyah wal–Islam Muqaranatan bil–Qanun ad–Duwali’ of Dr. Khalid ash–Shunayr (pp. 467–72).

Section Four: Filial Piety and the Status of Parents in Islam
Introduction: The Meaning of Filial Piety
Filial piety is the opposite of filial impiety. Ibn Manthur –may Allah have mercy upon him– writes: “Piety is the opposite of impiety… a pious man belongs to pious people. Ibn ‘Umar is reported to have said that Allah called them pious due to their piety towards their parents and children.” He also says: “Just as parents are owed certain rights by their children, they also owe their children certain rights.”(916)

Firstly: The Rights of Parents and Their Status in Islam
Parents enjoy a great status and are given many rights in Islam. Filial piety is mentioned alongside the very concept of monotheism and showing gratitude to them is mentioned alongside showing gratitude to Allah. Being good to one’s parents is from the best and most beloved of deeds to Allah.

Allah the Almighty says:
(وَاعْبُدُواْ اللَّهَ وَلَا تُشْرِكُواْ بِهِ شَيْ‍ئاً وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا)
Sura an–Nisa•; (4):36
(Meaning: Worship Allah and join none with Him in worship and do good to parents.)

Allah also says:
(وَقَضَى رَبُّكَ أَلَّا تَعْبُدُوٓاْ إِلَّآ إِيَّاهُ وَبِالْوَالِدَيْنِ إِحْسَانًا إِمَّا يَبْلُغَنَّ عِندَكَ الْكِبَرَ أَحَدُهُمَآ أَوْ كِلَاهُمَا فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا وَقُل لَّهُمَا قَوْلًا كَرِيمًا ٢٣ وَاخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الرَّحْمَةِ وَقُل رَّبِّ ارْحَمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيرًا)
Sura al–Isra•; (17):23–4
(Meaning: And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour. And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy and say: “My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small.)

There are many Prophetic traditions in this regard, such as the narration of Ibn Mas’ud –may Allah be pleased with him– who said: “I asked the Messenger of Allah: ‘Which is the most beloved of deeds to Allah?’ He replied: ‘Prayer at its appointed time.’ I said: ‘Then which?’ He replied: ‘Kindness to parents.’ I said: ‘Then which?’ He replied: ‘Jihad in the cause of Allah’”.(917)

Filial piety is something which a person’s natural disposition is inclined towards and which all divine religions are in concurrence regarding. It is from the characteristics of the Prophets and the pious predecessors and is indicative of sincerity of faith, nobility of soul and fidelity of essence.

Filial piety is from the merits of Islamic legislation as it signifies gratitude and recognition of merit. It demonstrates the perfection and completeness of Islam in preserving the rights of all people, contrary to man–made laws which do not acknowledge the merit of parents or their rights. Despite the technological advancement in the Western world, mothers are considered akin to machines which are to be thrown away when they are no longer in working order. In the West, filial piety boils down to the invention of a one–day annual holiday called ‘Mother’s Day’ wherein sons and daughters present their mothers with bouquets of roses to signify their love for them. What happened to showing care, mercy and fidelity to parents throughout the rest of the year? They have no concept of such meanings and are ignorant regarding them. Islam, on the other hand, preserves parental rights to the point that it strongly condemns filial impiety and mentions among the major sins alongside polytheism.

Allah the Almighty says:
(فَلَا تَقُل لَّهُمَآ أُفّ وَلَا تَنْهَرْهُمَا)
Sura al–Isra•; (17):23
(Meaning: Say not ‘fie’ unto them nor be harsh towards them.) Never mind anything greater in severity than the mere utterance of ‘fie’.

There are also many Prophetic traditions which denote this meaning, such as the narration of ‘Abdullah bin ‘Amr bin al–‘Aas –may Allah be pleased with him and his father– who relates that the Prophet –peace be upon him– said: “The major sins are: to ascribe partners alongside Allah in worship; filial impiety; murder and to intentionally take a false oath.”(918)

Secondly: How a Person Should Behave Towards Their Parents
Islam defines how a person should behave towards their parents in great detail. Scholars have deduced rulings from the Quran and the Prophetic traditions in this regard.

such as the saying of Allah the Almighty:
(وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًاً)
Sura Luqman; (31):15
(Meaning: But accompany them in this world with kindness.)

The term ‘accompany them’ is from the gentlest ways of encouraging goodness to parents as it implies permanent companionship throughout their lifetime. If a person is mindful of this divine command, it is easier for them to persevere in unpleasant times wherein they experience boredom or weariness as they are conscious of the great responsibility they have towards their parents. Thus, they address them with kind words, seek their opinion regarding matters and display affection towards them.

A person should speak respectfully to their parents, even if they grow tired of continuously hearing the same stories and anecdotes again and again. To accompany them with kindness constitutes not expressing boredom, regardless of whether one’s parent is speaking to their child or to other people.

Filial piety includes financially supporting one’s parents, particularly if they are in a state of need. This is something which many are neglectful of, either out of laxity, heedlessness or miserliness. Others consider their parents to be self–sufficient and are thus deprived of the great reward associated with spending upon their parents. Yet others excuse themselves by claiming their siblings take care of their parents’ needs and therefore claim they are not in need of their support. Many a time, each of the children rely upon the rest of their siblings in fulfilling this responsibility such that, in the end, their parents receive nothing from any of them. It is therefore important that a person gives their parents a share of what they have even if they are not in need.

Siblings should compete to serve their parents, just as Allah says:
(وَفِي ذَالِكَ فَلْيَتَنَافَسِ الْمُتَنَافِسُونَ)
Sura al–Mutaffifin; (83):26
(Meaning: So, for this let the competitors compete.)

Good company means that a person helps their parents to do righteous acts, to be charitable and to show kindness to others. There are instances where children do not encourage their wealthy parents to spend their wealth on worthy causes and instead exert every effort to prevent them from doing so, out of fear that their share of their parents’ inheritance will diminish. A child should not hinder their parents from doing good, but instead should aid them in achieving it.

 Further examples of good company include travelling with one’s parents, accompanying them upon journeys, showing hospitality to their guests and complying with their requests.

A child should introduce their friends to their parents, so they do not worry about them falling in with the wrong crowd. Sons and daughters should tend to the needs of their mothers and fathers with enthusiasm and willingness. They should monitor the health of their parents, accompany them on errands and to hospital visits, if needed.

Children should not become annoyed when they are singled out by one of their parents to do something. Rather they should be happy and even take the initiative to perform tasks without having to be asked. A child must also patiently endure their parents’ occasional harshness or mood change.

In short, good company of parents constitutes that a child strives to please their parents while refraining from everything that upsets them.

There is much more to be said regarding the foregoing examples of filial piety implied by the Quranic verse {But accompany them in this world with kindness}, however, due to space constraints, the topic cannot be elaborated fully here.(919)

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(916) See: ‘Lisan al–Arab’ (4/53).

(917) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 527) and Muslim (no. 85).

(918) Reported by al–Bukhari (no. 6675).

(919)  See: ‘Adab al–Muslim fi al–‘Aadat wal–‘Ibaadaat wal–Mu’amalaat’ of Muhammad Sa’eed Mubid (pp. 158–60); ‘Qurrat al–‘Aynayn fi Fada•il Birr al–Walidayn’ of Nidham Ya’qubi (pp. 46–52); ‘Tarbiyat al–Awlad fil–Islam’ of ‘Abdullah ‘Alwan (1/285–6); ‘al–I’lam fi ma warada fi Birr al–Walidayn wa Silat al–Arham’ of al–Hazimi (p. 26); ‘Birr al–Walidayn’ of ‘Aashur (pp. 16–20); ‘at–Takaful al–Ijtima’i’ of Dr. Muhammad as–Salih (pp. 98–105) & ‘Wasiyyat Luqman li–Ibnihi’ of Muhammad Jammaz (pp. 23–33).

Section Five: The Rights and Entitlements of Children in Islam
Introduction
In the previous subsection, some of the duties and obligations of a children towards parents were discussed. In this section the rights children are owed by their parents shall be explored.

Parents are entrusted with their children and are responsible for their care and education, therefore a neglect of parental duty is wrong and unacceptable. Homes and family units constitute the elementary components of a healthy society and the first schools for children. Only in a healthy family environment of love, mercy, selflessness, care and piety are the great males and females of this nation produced. Children receive majority of their education at home from their families, not from school or the wider society in which they live. For this reason, the upbringing of a child is largely the cause for their rectitude or deviance.(920)

Ibn Al–Qayyim –may Allah have mercy upon him– writes:
“How many people cause their children misery because they neglect them and do not discipline them or help them to overcome temptation. They claim to honour their children when in reality they demean them, and they claim to be merciful to them when in reality they oppress them. They have not benefited from having a child, and they have made the child lose their share in this world and in the hereafter. In most cases, it is the parents that are a significant contributing factor to the corruption of their children.(921)

Children are owed certain rights by their parents just as they owe their parents certain rights; Allah commands children to be dutiful to parents just as He commands parents to be good to children. Showing kindness to children and ensuring they receive a good upbringing is the fulfilment of a parent’s duty, whereas neglecting them constitutes a dereliction of duty.

Many religious evidences enjoin kindness to children and command with providing them their rights, while other texts warn against neglecting children and depriving them of their rights.

Allah the Almighty says:
(إِنَّ اللَّهَ يَأْمُرُكُمْ أَن تُؤَدُّواْ الْأَمَانَاتِ إِلَى أَهْلِهَا)
Sura an–Nisa•; (4):58
(Meaning: Indeed, Allah commands you to render trusts to whom they are due.)

Likewise, Allah says:
(يَآأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ لَا تَخُونُواْ اللَّهَ وَالرَّسُولَ وَتَخُونُوٓاْ أَمَانَاتِكُمْ وَأَنتُمْ تَعْلَمُونَ)
Sura al–Anfal; (8):27
(Meaning: O you who believe, do not betray Allah and His Messenger, nor betray knowingly your trusts.)

Allah also says:
(يَآأَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ ءَامَنُواْ قُوٓاْ أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَآئِكَةٌ غِلَاظٞ شِدَادٞ لَّا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَآ أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ)
Sura at–Tahrim; (66):6
(Meaning: O you who believe, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are appointed angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them, but do as they are commanded.)

Prophet Muhammad –peace be upon him– said:
“All of you are guardians and are responsible for your subjects. A ruler is a guardian and is accountable for their subjects, and a man is the guardian of his family and he is accountable for them.”(922)

The Prophet  also said:
“If Allah entrusts any of His servants with the affairs of a people and they die while acting dishonestly towards such people, then Paradise is forbidden for them.”(923)

From the rights children are owed by their parents is that they supplicate on their behalf; that they choose suitable names for them; that they teach them true faith and correct belief, and that they cultivate good character and virtues in them.(924)

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(920) See: ‘Natharat fi al–Usra al–Muslimah’ of Dr. Muhammad as–Sabbagh (p. 154) & ‘Akhlaquna al–Ijtima’iyyah’ of Dr. Mustafa as–Siba’i (p. 155).

(921) ‘Tuhfat al–Mawdud fi Ahkam al–Mawlud’ of Ibn Al–Qayyim (pp. 146–7).

(922) See: ‘al–Bukhari’ (no. 853) with the explanation of Ibn Hajr & Muslim (no. 1829).

(923) Reported by al–Bukhari (13/112) and Muslim (no. 142).

(924) See: ‘Tuhfat al–Mawlud’ (p. 92).