How could we help our kids to love praying?
|أحمد محمد لبن Ahmad.M.Lbn|
مؤسس ومدير المنتدى
عدد المساهمات : 42963
العمر : 71
|موضوع: How could we help our kids to love praying? السبت 20 مايو 2017, 5:10 am|| |
How could we help our kids to love praying?
Third revised edition
Writtenn By/ Amany Zakaria,
Ph.D., Faculty of Arts &Humanities,
Translated by/ Iman Ibrahim Said Ahmed
,Faculty of Languages and simultaneous translation
University of al-Azhar
An M.A. student at English Language department, Alexandria University-Egypt
In the name of Allah, the most Gracious, the most Merciful.
All praise is due to Allah the Almighty ,the Lord of the Worlds.
Peace and blessings are upon the prophet (PBUH), his family, companions, and those who followed them.
This booklet is written for parents, and those who take care of, or raise Muslim kids.
Our kids are precious as our hearts. They are made and framed by Allah ,thus born naturally loving to worship Allah. However, the prophet (PBUH) said, "their parents turn them into Christians, Jews or Magus" (Sahih Muslim).
Moreover, even if parents were Muslims, the surrounding environment, and society can take over the power in educating these kids. Therefore, society can turn kids into Christians, Jews or magus" if parents do not take necessary procedures and cautions as soon as possible to protect their kids.
First, the most important thing concerning educating our kids is prayer. It is the very basic pillar of Islam, and without it, our religion will be invalid. In this booklet, there are many questions with practical answers to help parents make prayer teaching an enjoyable practice, rather than a heavy burden, a hard duty, or a difficult struggle.
In fact, this booklet is based on a real experience of the author with her son.
She did not realize the gravity of the situation until her son was about ten years old –according to Islam kids at this age should be punished if they refused to pray. Then, she started to ask how could she save her son? However, she noticed that punishment could lead to undesired results according to her child's personality; so ,instead, she thought that she could help him with the more attractive and interesting methods that could lead to his love to pray ,hoping for the support and help of Allah.
She began to search for books, articles, or recorded lessons that attract kids to pray. She could not find but a booklet that does not suffice her need and a pamphlet that does not cover the whole subject. She continued to ask mothers concerning their experiences .She also used the internet to preview Islamic sites.
Finally, she found various educational consultations entitled (Together, we bring up our kids) on the web site of (Islamonline.net). She also found an article entitled "Arts of loving to pray"
She realized then that the mother who asked this question was suffering from the same problem of her. She also perceived that kids in the third millennium need new methods that differ a great deal from old methods. She noticed that this mother is eager to know how to train her kids. However, the author of this booklet wishes she could achieve more than that. She wants to make kids love prayer really, that nothing can make them abandon it when they become adults. Thus, what Allah says, "prayer prevents from lewdness and iniquity" can be maintained.
It is worthy to be mentioned that caution and carefulness are necessary when trying to apply advices and instructions that comes in this book because of individual variations. Moreover, each kid has his own nature and character that vary from other kids, even his brothers who share with him the same living circumstances .Accordingly, what works in a certain case, may have no use in other cases. The decision is left to the parents or those who are close to the kid.
Thus, advices should not be applied exactly as they are. Moreover, feasibility should be regarded to match the nature of the kid.
May Allah the Almighty make this work useful, and accept it only for His sake.
Dr /Amany Zakaria
Introduction to the third edition
Two months after publishing the first edition of this work entitled "How could we help our kids to love praying?" on the web site of www.Islamway.com in 2003 this work scored the title of "one of the most reviewed article". This article continued to hold the title for three years until now. Moreover; it is published on other web sites.
The author of this booklet realized that the matter is very serious. In addition, thousands of parents care about the issue that concerns them badly.
After publishing the second edition by Al Iman publishing house in Alexandria in a small booklet, this edition sold out. Therefore, she thought that it is necessary to reprint this work after- revising it, may Allah guide more parents concerned with this matter.
Why should we keep trying to train our kids?
First of all , Allah ,the Almighty, has ordered us to do so, and submission to His orders is the essence of our religion. The essence of Islam is complete submission to His orders and avoidance of what He prohibits, glory to Allah!
Does not he say "o ye who believe! Ward off from yourselves and your families a fire whereof the fuel is men and stones"? In (Surat Al Tahrim), then He says "And enjoin upon thy people worship, and be constant therein: We ask not of thee a provision: We provide for the." (Surat Taha) (2)
Second ,the prophet(PBUH)ordered us also to do so in his Hadith when he said "teach your kids to pray when they are seven and punish them if they do not pray when they are ten"(Musnad Ahmed). (2)
Third, prayer is a link between the worshipper and his Lord. If we fear that evils and illness may harm our kids, and do our best to insure a better life for them even after after our death,then we should be considered about their real future(in the Hereafter) through their good relationship with Allah; simply because they cannot be secure if they have not good relationship with their lord!
In addition, how delightful and satisfied would parents be, if they see their sons and daughters love their Lord, and only depend on. (1)
Fourth, prayer is a sort of illumination. Let us regard what the prophet (PBUH) said," The delight of my heart is prayer". (Narrated by Muslim &Alnasa'y), he also said, "the head of doctrine is Islam and its pillar is prayer"(Sahih Muslim), and prayer is the first thing that people are asked about in the Day of Judgment. (2)
Fifth, prayer makes our kids avoid being disbelievers or hypocrites when they grow up. Our prophet (PBUH) said, "The dividing line between Muslims and non-Muslims is prayer, therefore whoever abandons prayer is to be a disbeliever"(Musnad Ahmed). (1)
Sixth, Allah ,the Almighty, held us responsible for our kids. Our prophet (PNUH) said", every one has subjects whose responsibility is held upon him"(Sahih Muslim).Thus Allah will ask us about our kids and, of course, everyone wants his kids to be righteous and follow the right path in their life and the day after.(2)
Seventh, prayer can be likened to a container of milk .If the container has holes, milk will leak out and spoil. If there is no container from the very beginning, the liquid will drop and be lost.
Our prayer is the container and the liquid is our good deeds such as alms giving, charity to our parents, lowering one's gaze, and so on. If we spoil our prayer, our reward will leak, and then be lost.
Again, if we abandon prayer, all reward will vanish.
Eighth, for parents to be acquitted before Allah from sins ,Al Imam Ibn Taymia said" whoever is responsible for a slave kid ,an orphan ,or a son/daughter, and he did not teach him to pray, shall be punished severely because he disobeyed the orders of Allah and His prophet (PBUH). (1)
Ninth, parents naturally fear that their kids may be hurt in lifetime, how cannot they fear that their kids may be dropped in hell fire? How can any parent leave his/her kid to be the fuel of "Sakar" that leaves naught and spares naught? (1)
Tenth, if parents taught their kids to pray, they would have the same reward from Allah when their kids pray. By the time, this reward will continue when the kids grow up, get married, and teach their kids to pray too _ and so on until the Day of Judgment. The prophet (PBUH) said" Whoever calls for a good deed ,will have equal reward as those who followed him without diminishing their rewards .And whoever calls for an evil act, will have the same sin as those who followed him without decreasing their sins'.(Sahih Muslim).
|أحمد محمد لبن Ahmad.M.Lbn|
مؤسس ومدير المنتدى
عدد المساهمات : 42963
العمر : 71
|موضوع: رد: How could we help our kids to love praying? السبت 20 مايو 2017, 6:02 am|| |
How can we stand the burden of this pursuit?
Firstly, we must admit that it is not an easy task, because parents are dealing with a human being not a piece of clay.
The English proverb says "you can force a horse to to a river, but you can never make him drink"!!!
Thus, the task is difficult . It really is a jihad.
The following tips may help to stand this burden and continue such jihad:
a-Start teaching kids as early as possible-The earlier parents start to teach their kids, the easier the matter is. They will also have fast results.
b- Good care with the first kid is an investment, because younger kids will regard him as their model. Moreover, he is closer to them than their parents .Consequently; they will imitate him like parrots.
c- Seeking reward from Allah,as The prophet (PBUH) said", whoever calls for a good deed, will have equal reward as those who followed him without diminishing their rewards". (Sahih Muslim) (1)
d-Making this only for Allah's sake (Glory to Him), Allah says," As for those who strive in Us, We surely guide them to our paths" (Surat Al Ankabut 69) .In this case, when our determinations languish, we merrily regain our enthusiasm. This is because we know that we are following the best paths. (1)
e- Sticking to patience, Allah ,the Almighty, says: "And enjoin upon thy people worship, and be constant therein: "We ask not of thee a provision: We provide for thee." (Surat Taha). The priority must be given to prayer and worship of Allah, rather than providing daily bread and livelihood. We must not worry because there is no provider but Allah who says" He gives livelihood, the Lord of unbreakable might". We must remember that people never die before fulfilling their appointed time and livelihood. We have to be sure that our livelihood is chasing us just as death_if we escape, it will pursue us, contradicting what we think!
f- Supplication to Allah who says in the Quran" My Lord! Make me to establish proper worship, and some of my posterity; our Lord! and accept the prayer" because we can never attain our goals depending on our efforts merely, but we need His support (Glory to Him). The prophet (PBUH) said" keep supplicating to Allah using His fairest names-Lord of might and generousness"(Musnad Ahmed and Al Termizy).This Hadith means that we should use these two of His fairest name very much to supplicate. If supplication to Him using His fairest names guarantees a fast respond, these two names gives the fastest respond_ if Allah so wills. Lord of might means (sublimity) and of generousness means (freehandedness). May Allah accept our supplication and support us.
g-Never give up and remember always that Allah's mercy and relieve of grief are coming at any time. When Moses was asking for water for his people, the sky was clear. However, Allah said "smite with they staff the rock. And there gushed out therefrom twelve springs". (Sura Al Bakara).Allah also gave Zachariah a son while he reached infirm old age, and his wife was barren.
Allah has helped Merriam when she was week and oppressed by making her baby (Jesus) speaks out of her defense. Hence, you have to be sure that Allah will reward you for your jihad and that He can send someone to guide your kid to the right path. He can also make your kid face a situation that drives him closer to Allah. You have just to exert much effort and have trust in Allah, rather than in your own effort. (3)
Why do we follow the method of reward, rather than threat?
• Allah says "call unto the way of thy Lord with wisdom and fair exhortation"(surat Al nahl 125)
• The prophet (PBUH) said", whenever there is gentleness in any thing, it becomes good And, whenever gentleness is removed from anything, it becomes bad".
• The main target is to make kids love prayer. However, threat creates hatred. If they loved prayer, this love will leak to their minds, hearts, and flow with their blood. They can never give up prayer for the rest of their lives, and vice versa.
• Reward involves mercy and our beloved prophet (PBUH) advised us to be merciful. He said", Allah is merciful towards merciful people", and "If you are merciful to those who are on the earth, you will have the mercy of He who is in the sky"(narrated by Al Termizy and Abu Dawood).Thus, to carry out this task let us raise the slogan of mercy and patience.
• Threat creates fear in their little souls. If they fear us, they will pray only in our presence. This practice contradicts their fear of Allah secretly and openly .Moreover, this fear cannot generate but psychological complexes that lead to a cul-de-sac.
• Threat makes them unable to carry out our orders, rather it makes them search for means to restore their pride.We must remember that the lover obeys his beloved. (4)
• There is also another goal that is making kids continue to pray for the rest of their lives .Thus, a relation based on fear and hatred cannot last for long.
How could we reward our kids?
Firstly, parents, or those who bring up the kid, must agree with each other on a certain fixed policy to prevent confusion that can make all efforts in vain. For example, If the mother gave the kid a prize for his commitment to praying ,then the father gave him more than his mother without doing anything that deserves being rewarded, the first prize would be little and valueless!!!
If the mother punished the kid for leaving prayer, then the father came and pleased the kid by all means, all efforts will be in vain!
In case of rewarding the kid, the reward must be fast, to make him feel that there is a return for his acts. This is because kids forget quickly. For instance, if he performed the five prayers, the reward must be after Evening(Ishaa) prayer immediately.
The first phase: early childhood (From three to five years)
Kids at this phase start to be independent; have their own personality, but they also like to imitate. Thus, it is a mistake to prevent them from imitating us when we pray saying" No my son, you have the right to play now, you can pray when you are seven".
The right act is to leave them imitate us, and act spontaneously to gain their independence by doing what they wish without interference (except if they are in danger)… "If the kid stands beside a praying person and instead of kneeling and prostrating he starts to clap his hands or to play, for instance, we should not comment on his action". We must also remember that, in this phase, they may pass before praying persons, sit in font of them, climb their backs, or cry. In the latter case, we can carry them during prayer, if we fear that they may be harmed, and there is no one else to care for them at home. At this age, we must not blame them for any mistakes in their prayer.
In this phase, they can memorize surat Al Fateha, Al Ekhlas, Al Falak, and Al Nas). (2)
The second phase (from five to seven)
Simple, quiet, and nice talk concerning the blessings of Allah and His mercy and love for humans supported with examples makes the kid spontaneously eager to satisfy His God. In this phase, our talk must be highly focused on Allah, His might, His fairest names and His grace. Again, in return for His attributes, we must obey Him.
This obedience is both easy and lovely .It has good effects on our lives. Moreover, there must be a good model for the kid to follow him. As soon as he sees his parents praying five times per day without complains, this will positively affect his attitude towards this worship. He likes it as others like it .He get used to praying like any daily routine, or habit.
However, to save prayer from turning into a habit and to put it in its right place as worship, there must be some religious teaching for the kid. It is proper in this case to narrate the story of "Night-journey and ascension" when prayer was assigned, or stories about the great companions who love prayer deeply.
We must always avoid preaching, severe criticism, and threat, not to mention that it is not allowed to beat them at this age. Positive reinforcement method should be followed, i.e. we must encourage them until prayer becomes an essential part of his life. (5) ,(2)
We must provide warm water for our kids in winter because they may avoid prayer because of cold water. Moreover, little things, which may seem trivial to adults, may have great effect on girls. For example, a small colored and embroidered veil, or a rug for a girl, could have a great influence.
If we noticed that the kid is lazy, we could allow him to pray two units(Raka'a) until he realizes later the enjoyment of prayer. Later, we teach him number of units for Noon ,and Afternoon prayers to complete them after that .We can also encourage kids who refuse to perform ablution(Wudu) by making a line starting with the lazy kid ,as leader, for all members of the house. (6)
It must be noted that training on prayer should be performed regularly .The kid starts to pray Dawn prayer daily, then Noon prayer .etc till he gets used to praying the five prayers. He also starts to pray at anytime after calls of prayers .Later, we train him to perform Sunnah according to his ability Encouragement plays an important role .We can use various kinds of reward. The reward should not necessarily be money. Again, the kid can be rewarded for praying the five prayers even if their time is out. Later, he will be rewarded if he prays all prayers at their times .Then, a bigger reward can be given, if he prays immediately after calls of prayers. (11)
We should teach him that his moves to pray are like moving towards paradise. We can also appeal to his goodness by saying "my dear I imagine you flying with two wings in paradise", "I am sure that Allah is pleased with your deeds and He loves you due to your efforts in prayers", or "I can imagine you playing with other kids in paradise and the prophet (PBUH) is playing with you after performing congregational prayer with him." …etc. (10)
As for boys, accompanying their fathers (or other trusted company) to the mosque brings happiness .This is because they love their fathers .Moreover, they like going outside the house. Shoes with ties that need time and effort must be avoided. We must not forget to teach kids simple rules of cleaning oneself like avoiding urine and other impurities on their clothes. We should teach them how to clean themselves after defecation, and urination. Again, decencies of using water closets and necessity of keeping his body and clothes clean must be taught. Relationship between cleanliness and prayer must be explained.
Practical training on ablution is necessary following the example of the great companions with their kids. (2)
|أحمد محمد لبن Ahmad.M.Lbn|
مؤسس ومدير المنتدى
عدد المساهمات : 42963
العمر : 71
|موضوع: رد: How could we help our kids to love praying? السبت 20 مايو 2017, 6:28 am|| |
The third phase: late childhood (from seven to ten)
In this phase, it is noted that behavior of kids concerning prayer is generally changed. They become uncommitted to prayer even if they were used to praying. They become more rebellious, and stubborn. In this case, we must use wisdom to deal with them. We should not ask them directly:" have you prayed Afternoon prayer?" because they may lie or pretend. The normal response of parents may be shouting or pretending to believe. However, it is better to remind them of prayer indirectly saying "O'youth, Afternoon prayer" for once, twice, or thrice". If they answer that they prayed in their room, you could say "Now, blessing is only in your room, let's pray in my room to bless it; angels descend with mercy in places of prayer, and this prayer would be a Nafela (additional worship). We should talk quietly and cheerfully to prevent them from lying again.
If the kid persists on his situation, the mother or the father can stand close to him, not to embarrass him , saying strictly: "I am waiting for something important that you should do without delay" (2)
Various means of reward should be followed. As for girls, is enough to say, "Let's pray together". Girls generally prefer congregational prayer because it is easier. On the other hand, boys prefer prayers in Masjids, which is a chance for amusement after long hours of studying. To insure that they are going to the Masjid, we can ask them to buy bread, or ask about a neighbour, etc.
In both cases of boys and girls, we must not neglect encouragement, reinforcement. We must point out that their commitment to prayer is the most beautiful thing that we like in their character. This commitment is an overwhelming characteristic surpassing all other defects and defaults.
In this age, kids can learn rulings of purity, characteristics of the prophet (PBUH), and some supplications of prayer .
The seventh birthday should not be a casual occasion. It is a special occasion on which we can invite relatives to celebrate.
Moreover, we can decorate the house because it is the age of starting to commit to prayer!!!
Undoubtedly, this affects the kid positively. An announcement for this occasion could also be made two months or a month before to create suspense. (5)
In this phase, the kid starts to pray five times per day .
We can give him the following timetable:
This time table can be put in his room .Then ,he puts marks in cells before each prayer. At the end of each day, we can reward him by giving him stickers he likes. If he performed all prayers, parents would bring a weekly present for him according to their ability.
If he lost a prayer, we should encourage him to pray it later.
By the time, he becomes used to perform prayers at their times. We can teach him to pray as soon as he hears the calls for prayers by saying" when we hear the doorbell, we postpone anything and open it.
Calls for prayer are like doorbells; they remind us that it is time to meet Allah now!!"
When he gets used to praying immediately after calls for prayers, we should teach him Sunnah and that it is optional now. When he grows up, he can pray Sunnah.
The following are some hints that help kids commit to prayers:
• The kid should touch an attentive sensation from his parents towards prayers. For instance, if the kid wants to sleep before Evening prayer, the father should immediately say", wait for Evening prayer, and we will pray together, and then you can sleep".
If the kid wants to go the club or visit his relatives nearly before Sunset prayer, parents should say," let's pray first, and then you can go out".
• It is also preferable to make a relation between times of prayers and appointments. For instance, we shall meet somebody in Afternoon prayer" ,and "Someone is going to visit us after Sunset prayer"
• Islam encourages sports that protect and strengthen our bodies. "Strong believer is better than weak believer for Allah". However, sports must not affect times of prayers.
• If the kid is sick, we can train him on prayers according to his health. Thus, he is going to learn that there is no excuse for abandoning prayers. If he is traveling, he should learn how to shorten and perform prayers together. He should know that this license is a bounty from Allah, and Islam is a religion of mercy.
• We should teach him to be courageous when he calls his friends for prayers. He should not be ashamed, if he ended a phone call to pray in the Masjid. He should not mock his friends who did not pray. However, he may advice them to be like him. Finally, he should thank Allah for his grace which others are deprived of.
• We should teach our kids gradually to perform (Nafela) prayers.
All religiously legitimate means could be used to implant prayer in their souls such as:
* Using rulers with pictures that show how to perform ablution and prayers may help.
**Teaching them mathematics and multiplication in relation to prayer. For example (If a man performed two units, then he prayed four in Afternoon prayer, how many units did he performed?). If the kid is a bit older, we can use examples like (If the distance between a house and a Masjid is 500metres and a man walks 40 centimeters per step, how many steps did he walk to reach the mosque and be back again?, and if you know that Allah gives 10 bounties for each step, how much bounties will he take?)
***We can use video and cassette tapes that explain how to perform ablution and prayers and all other means. (2)
The author thinks that if parents cooperated to do their roles in early childhood, they would not need to punish their kids when they are ten. The evidence is that our prophet asked us to train them on prayer at seven and not to beat them until ten . Thus, beating is prescribed for kids who have such training, and refuse to pray. If beating becomes the only means, parents should not beat kids severely. They must also avoid slapping their faces, beating in front of others, or in rage. It must be generally noted that the purpose of beating is remedy and reform, rather than insult or punishment.
If parents think that beating, will create problems or cause hatred of prayers they must stop altogether. They can try the following graded program and use their wisdom as the prophet (PBUH) said" A Muslim should be wit and sagacious"
We should remember that commitment to prayer,is like any other acquired behavior, needs sensitive treatment due to its importance and religious significance.
However ,when the prophet(PBUH) tackled this issue, he regarded this aspect, and said, "Teach them to pray at seven and punish them at ten". Thus, the word "teach" involves following specific steps for time duration of three years to acquire this behavior.
Then, punishment starts as an educational means of behavior acquisition .Thus; time is an important factor that we should not ignore in behavior acquisition. Providing our guidance does not suffice, but it needs a plan, specific steps, and enough time to achieve our goal. Having a motive is also important. To have a motive, this should start early to help values, and meanings accumulate in kids' minds .These values, and meanings enable them to have a motive rooted within them towards acquiring such behavior. Accordingly, if parents were late in trainings heir kids until ten, they would need more time than other parents, who started earlier. In fact, this is due to the nature of psychological and mental formation at this age that needs more effort than younger kids do. Hence, this needs patience, and wisdom, rather than anxiety, and tension …(4)
In this phase, the kid needs us to understand his emotions and feel his problems and burdens. Hence, prayer should not be our sole interest but we should care for the kid himself. In this phase, he starts to think of the world around him, and development that are going to happen to him after one or two years, as we told him .playing has its great importance for him. Therefore, he may forget prayers on purpose because it is imposed on him. This imposition may cause a psychological pressure .Thus; we should not ask him about prayer every time we see him. We should remember that Allah does not impose prayer on him, but he has to be trained.
Again, if we inquire about his problems, or fears, this would strengthen our relationship, and increase mutual trust.
Accordingly, parents would be his faithful support and warm resort.
Having kids trust; they became responsive regarding prayers, and other worships such as veil. (7)
The fourth phase (adolescent)
Adolescents are characterized by stubbornness, objection, and pigheadedness. They have a desire for realization of self-esteem even if their opposition was for its own sake. They show inflation of blind self-dignity. This inflation may drive them to continue wrong deeds-despite of their belief of seriousness of their actions-if they have doubts that their decision of giving up is affected by any external influence. We should know that trying to impose something on adolescents does not work; rather it would widen the gap. The rule states", any action has an equal reaction similar to it in strength, but in opposite direction". Thus, we should listen to our kids, and treat them as kind as possible.
The following is a graded program, because trying to impose our kids to do something will have negative results." any action has an equal reaction similar to it in strength, but in opposite direction".
This program would take three months, may be less or more, according to Allah's support.
|أحمد محمد لبن Ahmad.M.Lbn|
مؤسس ومدير المنتدى
عدد المساهمات : 42963
العمر : 71
|موضوع: رد: How could we help our kids to love praying? السبت 20 مايو 2017, 6:34 am|| |
It would take three weeks or more. At this stage, we must stop talking about this issue-prayer-altogether, whether directly or indirectly. This matter is similar to giving our kids a medicine prescribed by a physician, but we do not know thoroughly components and effects of this medicine. If a kid becomes rebellious in adolescent phase, this would be similar to catching flu in winter.
Parents should remember that they are trying to constitute a conscience, and tackle an issue-if not treated at this age, no one but Allah knows how consequences would be. Thus, patience is the only means to be followed with reliance on Allah, the one who is to be asked.
Back to our treatment which is to stop talking about prayer for three weeks. The purpose is to make them forget our desire to push them to pray. In this way, we can draw a dividing line between our relationship and this issue.
Accordingly, they can regain trust in our relationship and be sure that we love them but we refuse only their ill deeds. Tension in relationships of parents/kid due to disputes creates a thorny fence .This fence hurts both parents and kids, if they tried to come close to each other. Thus, adolescents start to feel psychological hurt when talking to their parents. In this stage, we try to remove such fence that separates parents and kids.
This stage is called silent action .It takes three weeks or month. In this stage, we would not talk to them about prayer, but we can do some deliberate actions. For instance, a father can put prayer rug on his son's favorite chair in living room, or on his bed, or in any other place. Then, the father comes back to take it while he thinks loudly" Where is the rug? I want to pray. Oh time is passing.
I nearly forget prayer" He can ask him between times of prayers" My dear, what time is it? Have you heard the call of prayer? How long is still to pray?
Have you seen me praying? How forgettable am I? Oh, my God I may forget any thing but prayer. Following this manner for three weeks, the adolescent relaxes and forgets our pressure. At this time, you can start the third stage.
On intervals starts to ask him naturally to go out with you and share you some religious lessons pretending that you need just to accompany him saying "My dear, I am tired but I want to attend this lesson ,come with me to support me".
If he refused to come, you should not persist, and ask him later to accompany you. You can also share with him matters of your worship. A mother can be close to her girl by asking her about her new veil saying" My dear what do you think about my new veil". Do you like this veil tie?" The mother can say" Do you like to hear this tape". What do you think about it?" I will tell you what happened in today's lesson". Then the mother can hear her girl's comment concerning the lesson". She can also advice her daughter to do worship like her.
Let your daughter/son talk about him or herself, and express opinions concerning lessons that we told them about. We should also let them ask about religion.
It must be noted that:
*We should not enter a stage without `finishing the previous one successfully. The main purpose is to break the ice in our relationship and turn them back to religion.
This graded treatment is like antibiotics that should be taken in doses until the end.
If parents hasten for the end, and use their authority to order their kids to follow their instructions during those three weeks, they should restart the treatment again.
At this time, parents should be convinced not to talk about prayer. If they succeed in all these steps, if Allah so wills, they can bring up a good person.
Again, they will a good example for their kids, Therefore, thanks to Allah, one day their kids will be good worshippers. Moreover, they may complain that they postponed their appointment because of their long prayers!
*Parents should not comment on their kids' mistakes in prayer but in a limited manner. We can ignore some mistakes in prayer such as devoutness(khushu'). We should limit our comment to mistakes that cannot be ignored such as prayer without ablution.
*Always, ask for Allah's support .Do not be sad and supplicate for and never against your son/daughter. Remember that treatment takes long time, but it will end safely- if Allah so wills.
Kids at this age will forget and develop quickly especially if we under stand nature of the phase they undergo. Thus, we should treat our kids quietly and friendly .(8)
How could we be good examples for our kids?
The following hints may help:
*On Fridays, parents can try to sit together after washing to perform Sunnah of that day-such as reciting surat Alkahf ,asking for Allah's pardon, and peace for his prophet(PBUH) to bring up their kids in a healthy environment of which they can be part in the future.
*Parents should accompany their kids to Feasts prayers (Greater and Lesser Bairam prayers) to implant love of prayer in their hearts.
They should also reiterate before their kids that they performed consultation prayer, and thanks genuflection, etc. (2)
Our kids at masjids:
How could we imagine that a plant can grow without a root?
The same applies to mental and physical growth that needs movement and activity to be accomplished.
Kids cannot recognize life secrets and the world surrounding them except through wondering in its corners and scrutinizing every material and immaterial object around them. Allah has created in humans a desire for exploring, analyzing, and structuring things as a means of recognizing our surroundings. This desire is more obvious in kids. Therefore, we should not prevent them from going to Masjids in case that they might disturb worshippers.
However, kids are allowed to be in Masjids on condition that they knew decencies of mosques as sacred places entirely different from other places. In this way, kids became convinced that they should not make noise for respect of Masjids not for fear. It is preferable to have wide area around Masjids to let them play while parents are praying.(9)Parents may give them some sweets or simple gifts in Masjids to leave a good impression in their hearts.
Islam is a religion of moderation. Moreover, no Hadith stops kids from going to Masjids! Conversely, there are many Hadiths indicating that kids are allowed into Masjids. Al Bukhari narrates that Abu Kotada said" the prophet (PBUH) entered the Masjid carrying Omama Bent Alass on his shoulders, when he kneeled he put her on the ground, and when he raised he carried her".
He also narrated that the prophet (PBUH) said "I start my prayer with an intention of making it long, when I hear a boy crying I shortened my prayer not to burden his mother". He also narrates that Ibn Abass said, "I came to a Msjid in Mena ,when I was a boy, riding a female donkey and the prophet was close to me, I left the donkey to pray with the prophet (PBUH) and no one condemned my deed".
Thus, those Hadiths call us to let our kids be in Masjids.
Those sayings are enough to make us submit to this call. There are also intellectual proofs that strike our minds supporting this call.
For instance, when our kids go to Masjids, they achieve many religious, educational, and social goals. This implants in their souls a religious ritual of observing congregational prayer. It also implants love of prayer, and worship that are important spiritual goals for every Muslim. (9)
After performing this treatment according to every age in appropriate manner, the best thing left for us is to invocate to Allah, grace be to Him, saying:
"My Lord! Make me to establish proper worship, and some of my posterity (also), our Lord! And accept the prayer" (surat Ibrahim 40)
"O My lord! The Alive, the Eternal I ask Your help to make my kids righteous and don’t leave them to their whims for a twinkle of an eye, or less than this period"
"O Allah ,guide us to the right actions, inclinations ,and morals, no one but You can help us, and avert from us ill actions, inclinations ,and morals, no one but You can avert them"
"O Allah, I ask for guidance, piety, chasteness, and satisfaction"
"O Allah, I crave Your protection for my kids from inability, and laziness"
"O Allah purify my girls and All Muslim girls as You purified Merriam, and make my kids infallible as You made Yusuf"
"O Allah, make prayer preferable for my kids than cold water for a thirsty .You are able to do all things, and achieves all invocations, You are a transcendent Patron, and a transcendent Helper!"
How to recharge their batteries, or motivate children and youth for praying?
-By showing them the following videos ,of kids who pray, on the following links:
-by showing them the following pictures of people praying everywhere:
|أحمد محمد لبن Ahmad.M.Lbn|
مؤسس ومدير المنتدى
عدد المساهمات : 42963
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|موضوع: رد: How could we help our kids to love praying? السبت 20 مايو 2017, 6:42 am|| |
Some Experiences of mothers:
The following are experiences of some mothers who succeeded in making their kids love prayer.
A mother can pick the way, which she thinks suitable for her kid without causing side effects.
1- The first mother who has two kids said to me "I noticed that my youngest kid hates that he is the youngest, and wishes to be the eldest. When I wish to motivate him for prayer, I ask him "Have you prayed?" .If he replied "No", then, I would say" Are you young?
He angrily says :"NO"!! she says:"only grown ups pray !!". The result is that he hurries to pray.
2- Another mother said that she used to give her son (aged six) one pound, if he prays the five prayers. She encouraged him to save this money to buy a big present. Later, he gets used to praying and forgets every thing about the reward.
3- The third mother said that her husband is a businessman who did not stay for long at home. He never does anything to make his son love prayer. However, Allah compensates her with a good neighbour who accompanies kids of his neighbors to pray in the Masjid. He also used to play and laugh with them, until her kid get used to praying.
4- The fourth mother said that her husband used to invite his (two sons and a daughter) to pray with him Sunset and Evening prayers.
They were five, seven, and eight years. After prayer, he used to sit and play for a while with them. He did not blame any of them for refusing to pray. Later, the daughter gets used to praying.
Gradually, the boys followed her. From time to time, he used to ask the eldest boy "Have you given Allah his due right?" These words reminds the boy of praying.
Once, the nearby Masjid held a competition .The winner would be the one who prays all prayers in the Masjid. Every competitor had a timetable and the Imam puts marks before each prayer. All the kids including my eldest kid were careful to pray in the Masjid. After the end of the competition, the eldest son gets used to praying in the Masjid.
5- The fifth mother said, "My sons joined a centre for memorizing the Holy Quran. Their female teacher used to narrate a purposive tale. She also used to tell them about benefits of prayer, and motivates them to pray if they heard the call for prayer, saying" let us pray together. Go to perform ablution if you need". Later, my kids get used to praying, thanks to Allah.
6- The sixth mother said" I used to leave my girl to pray beside me without criticizing her for any defaults, whether she performed ablution or not, whether she prayed Al Zohr prayer (Noon prayer) two or four units. When she grew up, she learnt how to pray at school. Now, she gets used to praying.
7- The seventh mother narrates that her son said he did not want to pray, not to waste the playing time. She asked him to perform a practical experiment.
She said that, while you are praying Morning Prayer, I will count the duration using your new stopwatch (he loves this watch too much, so he become enthusiastic about the idea) .He started to pray and his mother counted the period. He found that it took him one minute and few seconds to pray for the morning!!! ( only about third an hour out of the whole day" 24 hours" for the five prayers). She asked him "What do you think now?" He looked surprised at her.
8- The eighth mother said that she prepared her son well to be a good worshipper by talking about Allah and His prophet (PBUH), narrating tales of messengers of Allah and ,memorizing Goz'aa Amma .After that ,she had to transfer him from his language school after corruption of its religious ,and academic conditions. The new school was an Islamic school that teaches religion as part of its curriculum. There was a big Masjid. Decencies of religion were observed. However, the boy linked between defects of the new school -such as crowded classes, too strict teachers, and his inability to befriend his classmates as fast as he wishes- and religion.
He refused to hear anything about religion inside and outside the house. He stopped praying. He avoided watching or listening to any religious programs on TV, in the club, or anywhere. He began to criticize his mother describing her as "Islamic". She thought of accompanying him to perform lesser Hajj (Umrah) in summer holiday to show him that religion is wider than his "Islamic" mother is, or his school. She was afraid that he might utter bad words before the "Kaaba". However, she was sure that Allah would forgive him, because he is still young.
As soon as he had seen the "Kaaba", he was so much surprised.
He asked about the divine light that surrounds the holy "Kaaba" at night, and she answered all his questions, she also gae him the chance to do whatever he likes during this trip_He played, went shopping, watched child movies on TV. ,He also went to the Holy House(al Haram) at Mecca, and attended religious lessons carrying his toys.
Grace to Allah, when they returned home, the first word he said, "When will we go again to perform (Umrah)?" His attitude towards Allah, religion, and prayer has changed. She wishes, by the time, he would get used to praying- if Allah so wills.
1-Abd Almalek Alkasem .Our Kids and Prayer:
Pamphlet Published By Al Kasem Publishing House in Riyadh: P4.
2-Abou Al Hassan Alhusini .How can we make our kids get used to praying? Published article on:
3- Lectures of (Al Tawakul), and (Al Yaken) by Amr Khaled: the former is included in series of tapes entitled (hearts purification), the latter is on his web site among available lessons on the site: http://www.amrkhaled.net/
4-love as a doctrine of behavior by Neveen Abdulla. A consultation included in section of (Together, we bring up our kids) on the web site:
5-Arts of prayer loving .A consultation in section of (Together, we bring up our kids) on web site of:
6-Samira Al Masri in a call for kids: Act, do not watch, a consultation in section of (Together, we bring up our kids) on the web site of:
7-Asmaa Gabr Yusif: teach them to love prayer, a consultation in section of (Together, we bring up our kids) on the web site of:
8-Neveen Al Swefy .female adolescents... veil... prayer... Program for coming close, a consultation in section of (Together, we bring up our kids) on the web site of:
9-Yosraa Alaa .Let your kids play in mosques: section of "Adam and Eve", on the web site of:
10-Professor Mona a Dosoki ex professor of comparative Islamic Jurisprudence at Al Azhar University and a mother of three kids: private call.
11- Professor Magda Eshra: pediatrics physician: private interview.
How could we help our kids to love praying?
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