إجازة الأستاذ أحمد لبن مدير المنتدى بقراءة الإمام عاصم الكوفي

موضوع: Dutifulness to Parents الأربعاء 10 مايو 2017, 4:47 pm

Dutifulness to Parents
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Praise be to Allah, the Lord of Creations, and Peace and blessings be upon our prophet Muhammad, the faithful and the honest.

Oh, Allah, we know nothing but what You teach us. You are the All- Knower, the Wise. Oh Allah, teach us what is good for us, and benefit us from what You taught us, and increase our knowledge. Show us the righteous things as righteous and help us to do them, and show us the bad things as bad and help us to keep away from them.

O Allah our Lord, lead us out from the depths of darkness and illusion, unto the lights of erudition and knowledge, and from the muddy shallows of lusts unto the heavens of Your Vicinity.

Dear brothers, we are still tackling the responsibilities of parents for the social upbringing of their children.

Parents should teach their children how to consider the basic rights:
Let us move today to a new topic. The duty of the father or the educator (in general) is to teach his children or students the basic rights they should consider, and the foremost of which are the parents' rights, the kin's rights, the educator's rights, the friend's rights and the elderly rights.

In previous lessons we talked in general about the means of social education, but today we will talk in details about a specific topic. The mission of the educator is not only to pass his knowledge, but also to implant in child's or student's self the consideration of basic rights. Before I handle this topic in details, allow me to answer a question I was asked two days ago about the philosophy of education. Someone asked me, why are we keen on the upbringing of our children?

Basically, man is a self-educated creature (in the sense that he owns the means to acquire knowledge), but if we leave a human being on his own to learn, what will happen? He might spend his entire lifetime without reaching the full truth, or he might reach part of it. It is very common to hear someone in his seventies saying, "Now I realize that neither money nor "women are everything in life." But when does he know that? He knows that when it is too late.

Through experience, man might or might not know the truth, he might know part of it, or he might fully know it but when it is too late. In some cases he does not have even one second left in his life to make use of the truth he discovered, and for this very reason we have "education". Through education the mentor (or the father) spoon-feeds the student or the child the experiences of old nations and this is education in general, but as for Islamic education, the educator teaches his students the irrefutable truth which is sent down from the Creator of the Universe.

The knowledge based on experience is partial:
Consider the following example: Doctors used to say that olive oil raises the level of cholesterol and triglycerides in the blood, and they recommended that people should not eat olive oil a lot. However, in the past two years, scientists proved that olive oil maintains the flexibility of the walls of arteries and keeps away any residues from them. Hence, scientists (according to experience) came up with a conclusion, but they contradicted later on, which means the science that based on experience might come up with right or wrong results.

((It is reported that the Prophet PBUH said: "Use olive oil in cooking and rubbing (on the body) because it is from a mubaarak tree".)) [At-Tirmizi by Umar Ibn Al-Khattab].

﴾Nor does he speak of (his own) desire.﴿ [An-Najm, 3]

This Ayah means that whatever the Prophet PBUH said is not a result of an experience, but rather it is the truth. Science, on the other hand, might bring forth a fact then finds out that it is not true. Take for example the fact about fruits and the fruit juice. We were told by scientists to drink the fruit juice (after filtering it), but then later on they said that you should eat the whole fruit to make use of its cellulose which prevents intestine cancer due to its high potential in absorbing all the carbohydrates and fats besides helping the intestine movement which prevents keeping food in the intestine for a long time. Furthermore, they said that if man does not eat x grams of cellulose daily, he will have intractable diseases in the intestine. Notice how one more time, they once say "eat this" then they say "do not", so what does this contradiction mean? It means that the experimental science is not stable and it is incomplete.

Basing on this fact, if we say that man is a self-educated creature, this might be true to a certain extent, because everybody has his own experience in life, and in some cases he goes through bad experiences which makes him swear not to do that thing again and makes him learn a lesson. Yet, the lessons he gets from experience are not enough, simply because they are learnt at random and accidentally, and they might or might not work. However, if the person learns the experience of old generations through education, this means that he is adding to his own experience a thousand years of others' experiences.

Consider this example: If we want to build a factory to manufacture planes, where should we start? Do you think we should start from the experience of Abbas bin Firnas? Or should we start from the latest version of planes? Of course we should start from the latest version of planes, because it accumulates 200 years of experiences, and through all these years, a lot of plane problems have been solved. Hence, if we want to build such a factory, we should start from the latest experiences we have, and then we add to them, but starting from scratches is stupidity.

The purpose of education:
A noble brother told me that he presented five theses to the university to acquire PHD, and he thought that those topics had never been tackled before, but upon searching the internet by the university, they found out that all the topics were tackled by other people, and he was asked to find other topics for his PHD.

It is nice to keep all universities around the world connected through the internet in order to save the students' wasted efforts in topics that were handled before. I was also told that some universities tell the student that this topic has been researched before, and they tell him where the others reached in that topic so that he can start where they ended if he insisted on doing his research on that topic, so sciences develop dramatically in a short period of time.

When man builds on others' experiences, he will make fast progress, and this is the purpose of education, for it transfers the experiences of old generations to the contemporary ones. This is applicable to all sorts of knowledge. Take for example the Arabic language; what point does Arabic syntax reach? It actually reached a very high level thanks to the old generations' experiences. We pass on the knowledge of syntax, declension, eloquence, prosody, poetry and prose to students. The same goes for medicine, physics, chemistry, astronomy and mathematics. This is what education is all about; it is about passing accrued experiences to a beginner.

I am still differentiating between two sorts of educations: the commonly known education and the Islamic one, and the latter is based on the Divine Revelation which is from the Creator. The experimental knowledge is like bringing a very complicated device and breaking it apart into pieces in order to understand how it is build and how it works. In the process you will do mistakes and sometimes you will not, and this is what the experimental knowledge is all about. However, meeting the inventor or the designer of this device and studying the manual he gives you, in which you can find how it is built and what the function of every piece of it is, you will be provided with the irrefutable knowledge, because it is received right from the designer.

Along with the same line, when you raise your child according to the Islamic education, this means that you are teaching him the Divine Method provided by the Creator, and by doing so, you will guarantee the safety of your child in all aspects. The point I always stress is that when you carry out the Orders of Allah, you will reap their fruits even though you might not know the greatness within. My proof of that point is the simple example of the man who drives a very exquisite car and makes use of all its properties though he has no idea about its mechanism. Also, consider the example of enjoying the cool breeze of an air conditioner though you do not know how it works, and the same goes for the computer. Thus, making use of something does not entail knowing everything about it. Accordingly, when we raise our children according to the Islamic Method, those children will reap the fruits of it, whether they know that or not, whether they realize its greatness or not and whether they disclose the details or not.

Hence, when you teach your child to be honest, he will reap the fruits of honesty, if you teach him to be sincere, he will reap the fruits of sincerity, if you teach him to be trustworthy, he will reap the fruits of trustworthiness and if you teach him to lower his gaze from looking at anything that does not please Allah, he will reap the fruits of lowering his gaze.

The western values and experiences are materialistic:
I would like to make the point of self-education clear, so let me give you the same example I gave to one of our brothers who visited me few minutes ago. If someone sees a bomb, and asks himself, "Is this a bomb or not? If it is a bomb, is its fuse connected or not?" If he wants to find out himself, and if he comes closer to it and moves it, then it blasts, he will realize in less than one tenth of a second that it is a bomb, but he will not live long to learn his lesson.

Some people become addicted to drugs, and after they get deep into it, they cannot come out of it no matter how much regret or pain they show, because it is over. Also, some people are slipped in drinking wine, while others in fornication, and being addicted to such sins will make it very hard for them to get out of them though they might be melting out of pain and remorse, but it is over. Well, yes man can resort to self-education, but this course will not save himself from grave dangers, and when the truth is unfolded to him, it might be too late, because he does not have even one second of his life to make use of that truth. If you happen to see someone who is about to die but did not repent from his sins, you will know the great pain he is in, and you will hear him saying, "Nobody educated me".

As for the common education, which transfers the knowledge from old generations (of the western world) to the new ones, it actually transfers knowledge only and those old generations are heedless spiritually, and their values are materialistic, and they are based on, "The weak are meat the strong do eat". Though they are very strict domestically, they have laws and they get everything under control, they allow themselves internationally to despoil other nations' rights.

This is exactly the meaning of the following verses:
Killing a man in a forest is an unforgivable crime While killing an entire secured nation is a controversial matter The western world builds its triumph on the wreck of other nations, and this is the "western education" in a nut shell. It is based on "The weak are meat the strong do eat", "The smart person uses the simple-minded one", "survival of the fittest," "The rich overcome the poor", "The powerful man is the one who wins", and in fact these are but the law of the jungle.

Raising children according to Islam is based on Divine Revelation:
We, Muslims, do not allow our children to be self-educated because they might know the truth after being destroyed. Furthermore, we do not allow them to get the usual (western style) education which is based on wrong values, on experiences not facts and on secular and worldly life orientations not on the truth which is sent down from the Creator of the universe.

Educating our children according to Islam is the kind of education which is based on the Divine Revelation and on the Instructions of the Creator. When you own a very complicated device, you cannot ask any person about how it works. With all due respect to all careers, will you ask your neighbor grocer, though he might be very respectful and moral person, about how this device works? You will not. The only party you feel comfortable to resort to is the designer of the device, or the representative of the manufacturing company who can pay you a visit and give you the instructions or you read the instructions yourself.

The Islamic education is based on the Divine Revelation sent down to us through the Prophet PBUH, and he is the only person who can pass it. Let me repeat what I once said, some of you might not expect to find a complete method for raising children in Islam, but by Allah the Only Deity, had the fathers provided their children with all the Islamic educational properties and passed to them the Prophetic instructions in that regard, the Islamic societies would have been turned out to be different from what they are now. The young child is like dough, and in the absence of a knowledgeable father, a very high level believing mother and a religiously educated society, his upbringing will be random.

The mission of the educator, the father, or the teacher is to indoctrinate. A father sometimes might feel upset with his son and might say, "My son is impolite", but did he teach him? Did he tell him the rights of the father and what should he do or what should he say? No, he did not. It is said, "A sin is not considered a sin without assignment", and this is very valuable principle.

This Masjid has three doors, so if there are no instructions and no hanged signs, people will use the three doors to enter and to exit. Thus, we cannot accuse any of them of breaking the rules, because there are no instructions about which door should be used to enter and which door is the exit, but if we hang a small sign in which we write, "Please, this is an exit door" then whoever uses another door to get out of the Masjid will be breaking the rules. Hence, "A sin is not considered a sin without assignment".

Ahadeeth from the Prophetic Sunnah about respecting parents:
When your son is not educated by you, nor is he educated by the school, and if the society is immoral, and so are his friends, and then he treated you disrespectfully, and you get upset, you should know that you did not teach him in the first place, nor did you say to him, "O son, this is wrong".

Here is the proof from the Prophetic Sunnah:
((Abu Hurairah narrated that the Prophet PBUH saw two men and said to one of them, "Who is this man in relation to you?" He is my father," he replied. He said, "Do not call him by his own name nor walk in front of him nor sit down before him.")) [Ibn As-Sunni by Abi Hurairah]

The Prophet PBUH rested the case and gave his instructions to that person, and these instructions gave that man the strength to do the right thing, so if he had walked in front of his father, then he would have done something wrong.
Some people get embarrassed by their fathers or teachers, so they walk in front of them, which is wrong. Instead, one should walk either by the side of the father or teacher or one step behind him, and this is among the things the father should teach his son about.

Dear brothers, the first Hadith is the following:
((Reported in Bukhari that Ibn 'Abbas said: "If any Muslim obeys Allah regarding his parents, Allah will open two gates of the Garden for him. If there is only one parent, then one gate will be opened. If one of them is angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until that parent is pleased with him." He was asked, "Even if they wrong him?" "Even if they wrong him" he replied.")) [Al-Bukhari by Ibn Abbas]

Even if the father mildly wrongs his son, the son should not get upset. Sometimes the father might have a temper, or he might be upset with something at work, so he might say a harsh word to his son, but some children cannot take that word, and they promptly use harsher words in return. Well this is wrong, because this person is your father, and there is a difference in age between the two of you, and he might be getting through a hard time or a problem at work, which makes him upset and nervous, and he might say a harsh word to you. Therefore, in this case you must be patient even if your father wronged you. If the son comprehends the Hadith, and upon getting a harsh word from his father when he gets home, he would forbear his father and would say politely, "May Allah forgive you father; I did not do anything to deserve that". Some children snap if the father does something wrong, but after all the father is a human being and he is not flawless. Also, his old age should be considered, and so should his previous favors upon his children.

Whenever I see a father fully devoted to his son, I say to myself, "Glory be to Allah Who installed the love of children in the hearts of fathers". Fathers are devoted to their children even if those children are not very polite or good to their parents. Moreover, every human being feels jealous of another human being except for the father; no matter how high the position of the son might get, the father is always proud of his son and will never get jealous of him.

The Prophet PBUH said:
(("If any Muslim obeys Allah regarding his parents, Allah will open two gates of the Garden for him. If there is only one parent, then one gate will be opened. If one of them is angry, then Allah will not be pleased with him until that parent is pleased with him." He was asked, "Even if they wrong him?" "Even if they wrong him" he replied.")) [Al-Bukhari by Ibn Abbas]

Your parents are the reason of your existence:
Dear brothers, based on my humble experience, I can give you many examples about lots of people who live in amazing prosperity, because they were dutiful to their parents. The common people call that "The green hand", in the sense that whatever this man does, he will succeed, he will be protected and he will find always someone to defend him, and all of that are the effects of his dutifulness to his parents.

This goodness which comes from dutifulness to parents is because they are the reason of man's existence. There is the Creator who created you through your parents, and as you are supposed to worship Allah, you are supposed to be good to your parents. The coordinating conjunction connects two independent clauses, which are parallel in structure and level (content).

Allah says:
﴾And your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And that you be dutiful to your parents. If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.﴿ [Al-Isra', 23]

In this Ayah, Allah joins dutifulness to parents with worshiping Him (to tell us how important dutifulness to parents is). When fathers are young, it is easy to rectify your mistakes with them and you can have their content easily, because they are very considerable, they know that their son is in an evolving age and they will not burden him beyond his scope, but the best form of dutifulness is manifested in bearing the parents when they are old.

Allah says:
﴾If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life﴿ [Al-Isra', 23]

When your father becomes old, he has to move into your house. You lived in his house when you were a child, but now he is in your house, and this is how life works; the young father who used to look after his playful children will turn into a guest at his son's home.

Allah says:
﴾If one of them or both of them attain old age in your life, say not to them a word of disrespect, nor shout at them but address them in terms of honour.﴿ [Al-Isra', 23]

Success lies in pleasing your parents Glory be to Allah, your father is your door to enter Paradise, so is your mother.
Also, when you guide your wife to the right path, she will be your door to enter Paradise, when you raise your children according to Islam, they will be your door to enter Paradise, when you are kind to your neighbors, they will become your door to enter Paradise, and when you perfect your work, it will be a door for you to enter Paradise.

Besides, when you call people to Allah, this will be a door to enter Paradise, when you teach Quran, this is another door to enter Paradise. Hence, the doors which lead to Paradise are wide open for you. Someone might say that the trading market is inactive and goods are becoming stagnant, well I say to him: but the market of calling to Allah is very active. Glory be to Allah, in some countries there is abundant richness, and life is easy, but this wide world of richness, easy life, availability of needs, low prices of goods, money in people's hands, houses with all facilities and successful businesses, might be a veil between people and their Lord.

In the oil countries, calling to Allah is inactive, and there are no local Khateebs, Imams or scholars, but rather they import those people in the month of Ramadan. All they care about is money, selling, buying and trading, and no one is interested in religious knowledge. On the other hand, in the countries where life is tough and crises prevail, people are more likely to turn to Allah the Almighty. Once, I said, "The worldly life is the veil between people and their Lord, whereas hardship pushes people towards Allah".

The second Hadith is the following:
(('Abdullah bin 'Amro bin al-As (RAA) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: "Allah's pleasure results from the parent’s pleasure, and Allah's displeasure results from the parent's displeasure.")) [At-Tirmizi by Abdullah bin 'AmrIbn Al-Aas]

Being dutiful to your parents is a great deed. Let me remind you, the rational father is easy to be pleased, because he has no burdens and he is light, but success lies in pleasing the father who is in a different course from yours, and the same goes for mothers. In this case you have no common denominator with your parents, and you keep hearing from your mother, "This is what our parents taught us, and this is how we were brought up", while you are learning the religious knowledge from the Masjid and you are fully aware of the Quran and Sunnah. These differences sometimes bring both sides to clash, but your success is to please your parents when they are in a different course than yours.

Being dutiful to your parents equals Jihad in the Cause of Allah:
I would like to mention the four Ahadeeth regarding this topic, and though most of you know them, they are very serious: (('Abd Allah bin 'Amr said "A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said "Apostle of Allaah (PBUH), May I take part in jihad?" He asked "Do you have parents?" He replied "Yes". So, strive for them.")) [Al-Bukhari by Abdullah Ibn Umar]

This Hadith has one meaning only: Dutifulness to parents equals Jihad (striving) in the Cause of Allah. I address our believing sisters with the following Hadith.

The Prophet PBUH said:
((Understand O woman (Go and tell others), and inform the other women. Indeed a woman's perfection of her relationship with her husband, her seeking his pleasure, and doing that which he approves of is equivalent to all of that (i.e. Al Jihad in the cause of Allah).)) [Ibn Asaker and Al-Baihaqi in Shu'ab Al-Iman by Asmaa' bint Yazid Al-Ansariyah]

The mother who looks after her family, prepares meals for her children, cleans their clothes, cleans the house, waits for her husband in the best dresses she has and meets his needs and the needs of her children, is considered Mujahidah in the Cause of Allah. If only Muslim women believed in this fact beyond doubt, Muslims' houses would be in a very better condition.

((It was narrated from Mu'awiyah bin Jahimah As-Sulami, that Jahimah came to the Prophet (PBUH) and said: "O Messenger of Allah! I want to go out and fight (in Jihad) and I have come to ask your advice." He said: "Do you have a mother?" He said: "Yes." He said: "Then stay with her, for Paradise is beneath her feet.")) [Ahmad and An-Nasa'i by Mu'awiyah bin Jahimah As-Sulami]

Some stories about dutifulness towards parents:
Distinguished fathers usually show their uniqueness through raising their children, by showing their mercy to them and by being open-handed and tender towards them, whereas others might say to their children, "O son, I am a self-reliant person, so you should be like me". However, the father of the following story, I was told about was a casual father with no religious background, and so were his sons. One day, that father got inflicted with an intractable disease which made him bedridden, and out of a sudden, all his five sons were competing to serve him in an unexplainable way (since they do not have any religious background), given children who are religiously educated know that being dutiful to their parents is an act of worship, and even if their father is not religious they will fulfill their duty towards him.

Those sons, on the other hand, and despite their poor religious knowledge, rushed to serve their father though he might not deserve it due to the so many problems that occurred between him and his sons in the past. They kept serving him day and night the best they could. My friend who told me the story said, "If this father was special, or if they were religious sons, we would be able to rationalize their attitude, but neither the father was special nor the children were religious, yet they served him beyond belief."

This friend told me that one year after that, he was sitting with his mother wondering about that family and the phenomenal service the father got from his sons. Unlike that father one of my relatives got sick by an intractable disease, so she got a five star service from her daughters the first two or three weeks, and they used to change the sheets every day and manage night shifts to watch and wait on her, but after a while, they did not even respond to her if she asked for something and that bad behavior went on for many years. In the last year of her life the service got worse and worse, so I invoke Allah the Almighty that one of us will not become bedridden for more than three days before death, just like the Prophetic Sunnah, for the Prophet was on his deathbed for only three days before he died, because the death hour of each of us will not change but the quality of life one lives is what matters. Let me go back to the first story. While my friend was living with his mother wondering at that incredible care of the sons for their father, his mother told him that man was one of five brothers of their late father, and his four brothers refused to serve their father when he was ill, but this son (the casual father in our story) took that burden on his shoulders and served his father the best he could.
Thus, Allah the Almighty honored him when he was sick and cast mercy in the hearts of his five sons to serve him devotedly.

Some meanings deduced from dutifulness towards parents:
In another story, I was told by a friend that there was a father who had five sons, and he happened to be injured in his thumb and got gangrene, so the doctor decided to cut off the infected thumb. Four of the sons gave in and said, "Glory be to Allah this is His will", but the fifth son was so fond of his father and very dutiful, so he asked the doctor with pain and broken heart to save his father's thumb if that was possible, so the doctor responded to him and said that there was a slight chance to save the thumb, but he had to apply special medications and hot bathes to the thumb three times daily for six months. The doctor added that if gangrene got bad even slightly, he would cut off the thumb.

Accordingly, the son agreed to do that treatment, and though he was an employer in a different area far from his father's house which was located in the mountain in a high area, he kept going to his father's house at 6:00 AM to do the morning bath and apply the medication to the thumb before going to his work, then another time after work and a third time in the evening for whole six months. Surprisingly, the blackness of the thumb receded and it was completely cured.

That friend said to me, "The financial situation of the four brothers stayed as it was, whereas the fifth brother was honored with prosperity and his financial status now is more than 200 million Liras." Glory be to Allah, this wealth is the price for healing that thumb of his father, and he was rewarded in the worldly life before the Hereafter.

1- You please Allah when you please your parents:
What I wanted to say is that dutifulness to parents has amazing outcomes, for Allah the Almighty honors the dutiful sun abundantly, and I have thousands of stories to prove that. Therefore, those who are dutiful always say, "O Allah I invoke you with my dutifulness to You and to my parents…" I have a delicate point though, some youth are convinced by what I say, and they hasten to please and serve their parents, but they do not please their Lord (they do not fulfill their religious duties), so let me emphasize the fact that pleasing Allah comes first, and pleasing and being dutiful to parents will not be accepted if Allah is not pleased first.

2- Being dutiful to your parents precedes Jihad in the Cause of Allah:
(('Abdullah bin 'Amr bin Al-'as (may Allah be pleased with them) reported: A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) of Allah and said, "I swear allegiance to you for emigration and Jihad, seeking reward from Allah." He (PBUH) said, "Is any of your parents alive?" He said, "Yes, both of them are alive." He (PBUH) then asked, "Do you want to seek reward from Allah?" He replied in the affirmative. Thereupon Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Go back to your parents and keep good company with them")) [Muslim by Abdullah Ibn Amr Ibn Al-Aas]

I repeat again, the first meaning that is derived from dutifulness: When you please your parents, you are actually pleasing Allah, whereas the second meaning is: Being dutiful to your parents precedes Jihad (striving) in the Cause of Allah.

3- Making Du'a for your parents and honoring their friends after their death:
Making Du'a to the parents after their death is an act of dutifulness, and so is honoring their friends. Making Du'a for them is actually a fulfilling of the Divine Order which is mentioned in the following Ayah: ﴾And lower unto them the wing of submission and humility through mercy, and say: "My Lord! Bestow on them Your Mercy as they did bring me up when I was small."﴿ [Al-Isra', 24]

Some duties of children towards their parents
((Reported by Al-Bukhari in al-Adab Al-Mufrad, Abu Hurairah said, "The dead person can be raised a degree after his death. He said, 'My Lord, how is this?' He was told, 'Your child can ask for forgiveness for you.'")) [Al-Bukhari by Abi Hurairah]

The dead person will be raised a degree in his grave when his children invoke Allah to forgive him.

((Abu Usaid Malik bin Rabi'ah As-Sa'idi (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: We were sitting with Messenger of Allah (PBUH) when a man of Banu Salamah came to him and asked, "O Messenger of Allah! Is there any obedience to parents left that I can show to them after their death?" He (PBUH) replied, "Yes, to pray for them, to supplicate for their forgiveness, to fulfill their promises after their death, to maintain the ties of kinship which cannot be maintained except through them, and honour their friends.")) [Abu Dawood and Ibn Majah by Abu Usaid Malik bin Rabi'ah As-Sa'idi]

"Pray for them" means to offer the funeral prayer, "to supplicate for their forgiveness" means to do so in the five daily Fard prayers, and "fulfill their promises after their death and maintain the ties of kinship which cannot be maintained except through them, and honor their friends" these are also some of the duties upon children towards their late parents.

Ibn Dinar reported that a desert Arab met Abdullah bin 'Umar on the way to Makkah. 'Abdullah greeted him and mounted him upon the donkey on which he had been riding and gave him the turban that he had on his head. Ibn Dinar (further) reported, "We said to him ('Abdullah b. 'Umar), may Allah do good to you, these are desert Arabs and they are satisfied even with meager (things)." Thereupon Abdullah said, "His father was loved dearly by 'Umar bin Khattib and I heard Allah's Messenger (PBUH) as saying: "The finest act of goodness on the part of a son is to treat kindly the loved ones of his father." [Muslim by Abdullah Ibn Umar]

If I know a man who was close to my father, I usually track down his whereabouts and visit him often, and this gives me a great and special feeling. Hence, maintaining the ties of kinship and friendship of your late parents is a right over you.

It was reported in Majma' Az-Zawa'ed:
((Anas, May Allah be pleased with him, reported that the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The strongest form of dutifulness is when a man maintains relations with the people his father loved.")) [Majma' Az-Zawa'ed by Anas]

It is worth mentioning also that the mother has a greater right on you than the father:
((Abu Hurairah reported that a person came to Allah's Messenger (PBUH) and said: Who among the people is most deserving of a fine treatment from my hand? He said: Your mother. He again said: Then who (is the next one)? He said: Again it is your mother (who deserves the best treatment from you). He said: Then who (is the next one)? He (the Holy Prophet) said: Again, it is your mother. He (again) said: Then who? Thereupon he said: Then it is your father.)) [Agreed upon by Abi Hurairah]

The mother has a greater right on her children. A man went to the court for the custody of his son after he divorced his wife, so he said to the judge (in apparent showing off eloquence), I bore him before she did (as a sperm) and I delivered him before she did (during the intercourse), so the judge asked the mother to respond, and she said, "He bore him while he was light, but I bore him with hardship when he was heavy, and he delivered him in desire, whereas I delivered him in hardship and pain". Accordingly, the judge said to the father, "Spare me your eloquence" and he ordered the custody of the son for the mother.

Some Prophetic manners in being dutiful to parents:
There is a difference between the care of the father and the care of the mother towards children, and this is why the Prophet PBUH gave the mother greater right than the father. Well, the world celebrates the mother's day, but there is no father's day; of course I do not mean to undermine the father, but the mother is given greater right by the Prophet PBUH, so we should be dutiful to her specifically.

((A man asked the Prophet PBUH: "O Messenger of Allah, I held my mother on my neck for two leagues in a very hot climate that was hot enough to cook a piece of meat, so did I pay her back with gratitude?" To which the Prophet said: "You might have paid back only one birth pang")) [At-Tabarani in Al-Awsat by Bareedah]

All what he did do not even equal one birth pang. Another story is mentioned in the Sirah books: Abu Al-Laith As-Samarqandi narrated that Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, said: ((A young man was on his deathbed and had not uttered the kalimah (declaration of faith). Then the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) sent for his mother, who said that she was angry with him, because he used to favor his wife over her. Then after that the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) gathered firewood and told his mother that he would burn her son before her very eyes.

She said:

O Messenger of Allah, he is my son and I cannot bear to see you burning him in front of me! The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: "O mother of 'Alqamah, the punishment of Allah is more severe and longer lasting. If you want Allah to forgive him, then forgive him (yourself). By the One in Whose hand is my soul, his prayer, fasting and zakaah will not benefit him so long as you are angry with him." So the woman forgave her son, and after some time he died, after uttering the shahaadatayn (twin declaration of faith).)) [Abu Al-Laith As-Samarqandi by Anas]

This story indicates that mother's wrath is very considerable Divinely. The Prophet PBUH made the manners of treating parents clear to us: We should not walk in front of them, we should not call them by their names, we should not sit before they sit, we should not get bored of their pieces of advice, we should not eat something they look at (in the sense that they long to have it), we should not be in a level above their level and we should not go against their will. These are some of the manners which are mentioned in the Prophetic Sunnah. In another Hadith, the Prophet PBUH said: ((He is not dutiful to his father, the one who looks angrily at him))

This kind of looks is an undutiful act towards the parents.

((Aishah, may Allah be pleased with her, narrated that the Prophet PBUH saw two men and said to one of them, "Who is this man in relation to you?" He is my father," he replied. He said, "Do not call him by his own name nor walk in front of him nor sit down before him.")) [Ibn As-Sunni by Abi Hurairah]

This means do not be the reason of making others call your father names due to wronging them. The author of Oyoon Al-Akhbar said, "Umar bin Zaid was asked once, "How dutiful your son is to you?" He said, "I have never walked during the day but he walked behind me, I have never walked during the night but he walked in front of me, and he never climbed a roof while I am beneath it". During the day he walks behind his father and during the night he walks in front of him to protect him from any danger.

The acts of lack of dutifulness towards parents:
Dear brothers, it is an undutiful act if the son considers himself equal to his father trying to be entitled to the same privileges of fatherhood. Also, if the son is so arrogant and he is shameful of his father, this attitude will be considered lack of dutifulness. In some cases, when the son becomes a doctor, or he occupies a very high position, he will be embarrassed by having his father at his office.

It happened once that I asked a brother of ours to talk to his son, who had a very powerful position, to transfer a student from a university to another, and the man accepted, but he was a little bit reluctant to talk to his son. Upon entering the office of the son which was full of citizens, his son called him by his nick name, instead of calling him "father" or "Dad", and he asked him to have a seat. He just did not want anyone to notice that he was his father, though the latter was very respectful and neat, and he was a good looking person, and not of the kind that a son might feel embarrassed by. When we got out of his office I asked him, "Where did he get his scientific degree from?"

The man said, "He got it from America, and he is Board Certified", to which I said, "Who paid the expenses for his study?" He answered, "By Allah, I did". Though this man paid for his son's study, the latter was embarrassed by his father, which reflects lack of dutifulness.

On the other hand, fifty years ago, in Damascus old castle there was a father who was an adjutant whereas his son was a captain (higher in rank than his father). According to military laws, the adjutant must salute the captain, so each time this father did that, his son "the captain" used to take his father's hand in front of a 600 soldiers and kiss it, showing them how important his father to him was. Hence, no matter how high the son's position is, if he respects his father in front of people, this will not decrease his position, but rather it will increase it in the eyes of people. Therefore, being embarrassed by the father manifests lack of dutifulness.

It is also an undutiful act towards parents to refrain from spending on them if they are poor, which might make them file a law suit against their son in the court. Even if they do not file a suit, the son will go on living in a better financial level than his parents who suffer shortage of money.

As for the mother of undutiful acts a son might commit towards his parents, it is to say the word of disrespect "uff", to rebuke them or to raise his voice louder than theirs. Some children address their parents using harsh words, bring humiliation to them and make others curse them, and this is lack of dutifulness at its best. Hence, undutiful acts go in order as follows: the least serious is to see yourself equal to them (in privileges), then to be embarrassed by them, then to relinquish your responsibility duty of supporting them financially and then to say a harsh word or to treat them disrespectfully.

((It is narrated on the authority of 'Abdur-Rahman b. Abu Bakra that his father said: We were in the company of the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) that he observed: Should I not inform you about the most grievous of the grave sins?

(The Holy Prophet) repeated it three times, and then said: Associating anyone with Allah, disobedience to parents, false testimony or false utterance. The Prophet was reclining, then he sat up, and he repeated it so many times that we wished that he should become silent.)) [Agreed upon by Abu Bakra]

Lack of dutifulness to parents is not only a major sin, but it is the mother of major sins.

The lack of dutifulness deserves punishment in this life and in the Hereafter:
It was narrated from Salim bin 'Abdullah that his father said:
(("The Messenger of Allah said: "There are three at whom Allah will not look on the Day of Resurrection: The one who disobeys his parents, the woman who imitates men in her outward appearance, and the cuckold. And there are three who will not enter Paradise: The one who disobeys his parents, the drunkard, and the one who reminds people of what he has given them."))

The cuckold (Ad-Dayooth) is the one who is never jealous for the women of his family or the one who approve fornication among his family's members.

((It is narrated on the authority of 'Abdullah b. Amr b. al-'As that the Messenger of Allah (PBUH) observed: Abusing one's parents is one of the major sins. They (the hearers) said: Messenger of Allah, does a man abuse his parents too? He (the Holy Prophet) replied: Yes, one abuses the father of another man, who in turn abuses his father. One abuses his mother and he in turn abuses his (the former's) mother.))[Al-Bukhari by Abdullah Ibn Amr] Pay attention to the crucial fact that the punishment of all sins might be postponed till the Day of Judgment save being undutiful to your parents, for the punishment will take place in the worldly life before the Hereafter.

Therefore, I strongly advise you not to deal with any undutiful person to his parents, because if there is any goodness in him, he would have been dutiful to his own parents, but since he is not, there is no goodness in him. Not to mention, the undutiful person to his parents will receive Divine Punishment, so if anyone takes him as a business partner, he will lose for sure. Therefore, do not take anyone as a business partner but the one who is dutiful to his parents. The punishment of all sins might be Divinely postponed till the Day of Judgment except the lack of dutifulness which will be Divinely punished in the worldly life before death.

We conclude that the acts of being dutiful to parents are: Preventing people from cursing them, being merciful to them, being passionate, honoring them, maintaining their kinship, avoid walking in front of them or ahead of them, avoid sitting before they sit and serving them. These acts are but a small part of paying back their favors upon you.

The father, on the other hand, should show his sons how respectful and dutiful he is to his own parents ("A sin is not considered a sin without assignment"), so you should show your children how you fulfill the rights of your parents and then you can hold them accountable for being dutiful to you.

Praise be to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds
Praise be to Allah, the Lord (the One and Only) of the Worlds, and blessings and peace be upon our Master, Prophet Muhammad, the Truthful and the Faithful and may Allah bless his folks and companions. O Allah, help us remember You, be grateful to You, and worship You in an excellent manner. O Allah, make us long to meet with You, and do not deprive us of the pleasure of looking at Your Honorable Face. O Allah, show us the righteous things as righteous and help us do them, and show us the bad things as bad and help us keep away from them. O Allah our Lord, make us amongst those who listen to the Word and follow the best meaning of It, and admit us, by Your Grace, to the ranks of Your righteous servants.

Translation : Noura Sharabi
Edited by : Kawthar Hajj Saleh

IZHAR UL-HAQ

إجازة الأستاذ أحمد لبن مدير المنتدى بقراءة الإمام عاصم الكوفي

Dutifulness to Parents