(89) Charity before consultation
Great demands require great preparations before making such demands in order to avoid refusal. This generally applies to requests of all types, be they spoken or written. If you were to write to an affluent person with a request, it would be appropriate for you to begin with some flattery, praising his generosity, kindness and his love for good, and then stating your request.
Similarly, if you would like to make a request of your father, brother, or even your wife, it would always be appropriate to precede it with some preliminaries.
For example, if you were to call a group of friends over for dinner and wanted to request from your wife that she cooks and cleans the house, it would be appropriate if you begin by saying, “Your food is truly delicious! All of my friends would be delighted if I call them over to eat the dinner you prepare. Can you believe it? I have eaten in all the grand restaurants, but none of the dishes there compare to your cooking! Yesterday I met a friend of mine who has just returned from his travels, so I asked him out of courtesy to come and have dinner with us, but he surprised me by accepting the invitation! So I decided to call some friends over with him too. I really hope you can cook for us all.”
This would be much better than for you to enter the house screaming, “O so-and-so!”
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“Yes, I am coming!” she would say, thinking that you are asking her to go out with you for entertainment.
But instead, you say to her, “Hurry up! Go to the kitchen! I have some friends coming over! Don’t delay!”
The same rules apply if you wish to ask your manager for some time off, or make a request to your parents for something.
I have come across various incidents in the life of the Prophet Peace be upon him that are indicative of that. When the Prophet Peace be upon him was a child, was raised near the dwellings of the Hawazin tribe. He therefore wished for them to accept Islam. However, it reached him that Hawazin had gathered their forces and were preparing to fight him. So the Prophet Peace be upon him fought them, and Allah bestowed him with victory and booty.
Some of the people of Hawazin then approached the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him, as he stopped over at Ji’ranah. Some people
had been killed from Hawazin just as some Muslims had also been killed as a result of the battle. The Prophet Peace be upon him had placed their women and children in an isolated location. The intelligent
ones from the Hawazin tribe decided to speak to the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon himto persuade him to release the women and children.
To this end they chose an eloquent diplomat from amongst them to speak to the Prophet Peace be upon him. Therefore, a man from Hawazin by the name of, Zuhayr Abu Surad stood up and said, “O Prophet of Allah, the captives in the wards of your army are in fact your relatives. Among them are your paternal and maternal aunts as
well as your nurse-mothers who held you in their arms as a
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baby. Had our women played similar roles to al-Harith bin Abu Shimr, or to al-Nu’man bin al-Mundhir, and had any of these kings inflicted upon us what you have inflicted, then they would have granted every request of ours if we had asked for their mercy and compassion and reminded them of their obligation. You, on the other hand, are the most merciful and compassionate man and the least needful of being reminded of your obligations.”
He then recited some verses of poetry, and subsequently, the Prophet Peace be upon him let the women and children free.
Contemplate on how the man began by mentioning some preliminary facts before presenting his request. He reminded the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him of his childhood days in the dwellings of Hawazin Banu Sa’d. He then kindled generosity in the heart of the Prophet Peace be upon him by saying that if any of the kings were to be have generous towards them, then that indeed would have been generosity, but the Prophet Peace be upon him, on the other hand was the most generous of all people. How beautifully he worded his request!
Allah has taught the believers the appropriate etiquettes when he said, “O you who believe, when you consult the Messenger, offer something in charity before your consultation.”
Whenever the Arabs wanted to seek help or aid from someone, they would always begin by mentioning good words and poems.
Likewise, when they wanted to disgrace or fight someone, they would begin with lectures and poems, for words have an impact on the soul which swords cannot.
When the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him wanted to perform ‘Umrah, the Quraysh became frightened, and the Prophet Peace be upon him would have fought them if it wasn’t for the fact that the Quraysh requested that he sign a ten-year peace treaty with them. The conflict subsequently stopped.
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One of the conditions stipulated in the treaty was that whichever of the tribes that wished to enter into allegiance with Muhammad Peace be upon him could do so, and those that wished to enter into the allegiance of Quraysh could do so. The Khuza’ah tribe decided to enter into allegiance with the Prophet Peace be upon him, whilst the Banu Bakr tribe decided to enter into allegiance with Quraysh. These two tribes had a history of bad blood and fighting. The malice Quraysh had for Khuza’ah increased, but they feared that if they did any harm to them, the Prophet Peace be upon him would aid their cause.
When about seventeen or eighteen months had passed after the treaty of Hudaybiyah, Banu Bakr attacked Khuza’ah at night in a place called al-Wateer, which is close to Makkah. They had sought help from the Quraysh. The Quraysh said, “Muhammad will never get to know about this, as no one will be able to recognize us at night.” The Quraysh thus decided to help them with men and weapons, and to fight alongside them.
Khuza’ah was taken by surprise and many of their men, women and children were killed. When a man from amongst them, ‘Amr bin Salim, saw what had happened to his people, he got on his camel, escaped from the Quraysh and sped to the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him. He entered Madinah terrified and defeated. He approached the mosque with visible signs of the long journey he had undertaken. He stood in front of the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him and recited some words of poetry, wherein he asked the Prophet Peace be upon him to help his people against Quraysh who had violated the treaty by killing his people at night, whilst some were praying.
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When the Prophet Peace be upon himheard the words of poetry, he became enraged and said, “Victory is yours, O ‘Amr bin Salim!” He then got up and ordered the Muslims to make preparations for battle.
They were taken by surprise as they didn’t know where the battle would be. The Prophet Peace be upon him did not want to disclose its
Where abouts in case news of it reached the Quraysh. He prayed to Allah that He blind the Quraysh from the Muslims’ plans so they could be attacked by surprise in their dwellings. The Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him was enraged over Quraysh’s violation of the treaty. He said, as he was preparing for the battle, “You will see that Abu Sufyan will come and request us to respect the treaty and even increase its duration!”
Another group of people from Khuza’ah came to the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him, amongst them Badeel bin Warqah, and informed the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him of what had befallen them, and how the Quraysh had taken sides with Banu Bakr against them.
The Prophet Peace be upon him gave them his word that he would help them and said, “Go back and disperse in various towns.” He said this as he feared that the Quraysh may find out about his interaction with them and decide to fight them before the Prophet Peace be upon him could even reach them.
They turned back to return to their cities and on their way they met Abu Sufyan at a place between Makkah and Madinah called ‘Asfan. Quraysh had sent Abu Sufyan to the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him to renew the treaty that was signed at Hudaybiyah and to increase its duration. They feared that the news of their misdeeds may have reached the Prophet Peace be upon him.
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When Abu Sufyan met Badeel bin Warqah on the way, he Charity before feared that he may have come from the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him after having informed him of Quraysh’s treachery.
He said, “Where are you coming from, O Badeel?”
Badeel replied, “I went to Khuza’ah from such and such a valley.”
Abu Sufyan remained silent. When Badeel moved on, Abu Sufyan came to the place where Badeel had rested his camel and examined the animal dung to notice a date seed therein. From this he knew that the camel had been to Madinah, for the people there feed their camels date seeds. Abu Sufyan said, “I swear by Allah, Badeel has seen Muhammad!”
Abu Sufyan then went ahead until he reached Madinah. He headed for the house of his daughter, Umm Habibah, a wife of Allah’s Messenger Peace be upon him. When he entered, he decided to sit on the mattress of Allah’s Messenger Peace be upon him, but she snatched it away and folded it up.
He said, “Dear daughter, I do not know whether you think I am too good for the carpet or the carpet is too good for me?”
She replied, “It is the mattress of Allah’s Messenger and you are an unclean pagan. I do not want you to sit on his mattress.”
Abu Sufyan became surprised and said, “Evil has touched you since you left me!”
Abu Sufyan then went to the Prophet Peace be upon him and said, “O Muhammad, renew the pact and increase its duration.”
The Prophet Peace be upon him asked, “Is this the reason why you have come?
Has something happened from your side?”
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The Prophet Peace be upon himdid not want to show him that he knew about their treachery, or that he knew about their attack on Khuza’ah. It was as if he was saying to Abu Sufyan, “Why do you want to renew the treaty and increase its duration? Do we not already have a treaty in place? Why the need to renew it or increase its duration?”
Abu Sufyan replied, “Allah’s refuge is sought! We are still abiding by our pledge and treaty that we signed on the day of Hudaybiyah.
We will not change our stance concerning the treaty.”
The Prophet Peace be upon himremained silent. Abu Sufyan asked him repeatedly, but Allah’s Messenger refused to give him any response.
Abu Sufyan then left Allah’s Messenger and went to Abu Bakr.
He said, “Please, intercede on my behalf with Muhammad. Ask him to renew the treaty and increase the duration, or defend me and my people!”
Abu Bakr replied, “I am with the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him. I will not defend anyone against him. As for my view, then by Allah, if I were to find small ants fighting against you, then I would help
them in their fight!”
Abu Sufyan left Abu Bakr disappointed and went to ‘Umar bin al-Khattab to speak to him about the issue. ‘Umar said in response, “You want me to intercede for you with the Messenger of Allah? Never! Rather, whatever new there was in the treaty, Allah has already caused it to expire, and whatever originally existed in the treaty, Allah has cancelled it, and whatever of the treaty was violated, then may Allah never undo the violation!”
When Abu Sufyan heard this, his complexion changed and he Charity felt humiliated, as if he had been slapped.
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Abu Sufyan left ‘Umar
thinking he had been betrayed by his relative. When he had lost
hope in those whom he had just visited, he turned to ‘Ali –may
Allah be pleased with him– and said, “Dear ‘Ali, you are the closest
of them to me in terms of relations. Please, intercede for me
with Allah’s Messenger.”
‘Ali said in response, “O Abu Sufyan, none of the Companions of Allah’s Messenger has the ability to protect anyone from him!” Meaning, no one is able to protect someone when Allah’s Messenger has already decided to fight or punish him, since he does not speak whimsically. ‘Ali continued, “You are the leader of Quraysh and the most noble of them. You are very capable of protecting yourself, so protect yourself and your family.” Meaning, shout out to the people that I give protection to myself, and then go back to where you came from!
Abu Sufyan said, “Do you think this would be of any benefit to me?”
‘Ali replied, “No, but this is just my opinion.”
Thus, Abu Sufyan went out and shouted, “I have given myself protection amongst the people! By Allah, I do not think I need anyone to guard me!” He then mounted his camel and set off for Makkah.
When he met with the Quraysh, they asked him, “What happened?
Did you come with any kind of agreement or treaty with Muhammad?”
He said, “No, by Allah, he refused to respond to me. I tried to speak to his followers but I have never seen a people as obedient to their king as they were to their leader!
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I went to Muhammad and spoke to him, and by Allah, he wouldn’t answer. I then approached Ibn Abi Quhafah, and by Allah I did not find any good in him. I then went to ‘Umar and found him to be an avowed
enemy. I then went to ‘Ali and found him to be the gentlest of all of them. He asked me to do something, and I complied, but I do not know if it will be of any benefit to me or not!”
They said, “What did he ask you to do?”
He said, “He asked me to give myself protection openly in public, and I complied.”
They said, “Did Muhammad accept that?” Meaning, did Muhammad acknowledge the protection you gave to yourself and order his followers to respect that?
He said, “No.”
They said, “Woe be to you! He did no more than play with you! None of what you have said is of any benefit to us!”
He said, “By Allah, I could not have done any more than this.”
Abu Sufyan was overcome by grief. He visited his wife and informed her of what had happened. She said, “May Allah disfigure the face of this feeble envoy! You haven’t come with any good news!”
It wasn’t long after that Allah’s Messenger entered Makkah as a conqueror.

A gesture is enough to understand...
A large morsel of food requires much chewing before swallowing.
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