(85) The art of listening
The skills of attracting people and winning their hearts are many. Some involve doing certain actions while others involve avoiding certain actions. Being cheerful attracts people, as does not frowning. Beautiful words, interesting comments and jokes attract people, as does listening attentively to others and reacting to their words.
How about if we now discuss the ‘calm attraction’ effect?
Yes, some people do not tend to speak much. You never get to hear their voice in gatherings and congregations. In fact, if you notice them in a sitting, you will see that they only move their head or eyes. They may move their mouth from time to time, but only when smiling, without saying a word! Despite this, people love them and long to sit in their company.
Why is this? It is because they exercise what is called the ‘calm attraction’ effect.
The art of listening has a various set of skills. In fact, someone interested in this subject once informed me that he has attended more than fifteen training sessions on this subject alone!
Compare three people: You speak to the first about an incident that occurred to you, and as you begin, he interrupts you and says, “Yes, something very similar also happened with me!”
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You say to him, “OK, but please let me finish my story.”
He remains silent for a while and just as you get to the heart of the story, he interrupts again, saying, “Correct! Correct! This is exactly what happened to me. Once I went to...”
You say to him again, “Please, brother, wait...”
He then falls silent, but when patience becomes unbearable for him, he interrupts again and says, “Please, hurry up!”
As for the second person, as you speak to him, he looks to his right and left. He may even take his mobile phone out of his pocket and write text messages as you speak, or who knows, he might even be playing games on it!
The third person knows how to listen attentively. You notice that as you speak, he fixes his gazes on you. You realise that he is carefully following your words. Sometimes he shakes his head in agreement, sometimes he smiles and sometimes he presses his lips out of surprise. Sometimes, he might say, “Amazing! SubhanAllah!”
Which of the three aforementioned people would you long to be in the company of and happily visit? No doubt the third!
Therefore, capturing people’s hearts is not only accomplished by letting them hear what they would like to hear, but by also listening to what they would like us to hear.
I recall that a prominent preacher who had been blessed with sound intellect and eloquence would frequently deliver lectures and sermons. Whether it was a Friday sermon, a Fatwa session, or a university lecture, he would continuously be speaking.
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Peo-ple would watch him on satellite television channels and always look forward to listening to his words. Except, that is, for his wife. Whenever he was with his wife, instead of listening to her story, he would be continuously speaking non-stop, as usual.
She would often complain about him but he wouldn’t know why she would do so. Everyone would respect and praise him except for her. So, one day, he decided to take her with him to one of his lectures to appreciate what she had not heard before.
He said to her, “Would you like to come with me?”
She said, “To where?”
He said, “To a lecture by a preacher. Perhaps we will benefit from it.”
She got into the car with him. When they arrived at their destination, they got out of the car and walked until they reached the door of the mosque. A huge crowd had turned up to listen to this excellent lecturer. She went into the women’s section whilst he walked through the crowd, sat on the chair and began his lecture. The people were listening to the lecture attentively, and even his wife was probably amazed at his performance.
When the lectured finished, he went out to his car, pleased with his performance. His wife came and sat in the passenger seat, and as they sat in the car, he gave her no opportunity to speak, as usual, and began to talk about the crowds, the beauty of the mosque, etc.
He then asked her, “What do you think of today’s lecture?”
She said, “It was good and very effective. Who was the lec-turer?”’
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He said, “Strange! You didn’t recognise the voice?”
She said, “Well, with all the crowd and the poor loudspeakers, I couldn’t pay much attention.”
He said, with all pride, “I was the lecturer!”
She said, “Ah! I was thinking to myself all through the talk when will he ever stop!”
Therefore, to listen attentively to others is a skill in and of It self. Some people forget that Allah has only given them one tongue while he has given them two ears - so that they may hear more than they speak. Some people, if given the choice to balance their speaking and hearing, would opt for having two ears and two tongues, due to their obsession with speaking!
Train yourself to listen to others attentively. If you do have criticisms to make, then do not be hasty in making them.
During the early days of Islam, the Muslims were few in number. The disbelievers would reject the Prophet Peace be upon himand discourage people from listening to him. They would spread rumours about him that he was a soothsayer, a liar, a madman, or even a magician. One day, a man called Dhuman came to Makkah.
He was a wise man with knowledge of medicine who would also treat people with mental illness or problems with magic.
When he began to mix with the people of Makkah, he heard some of the ignorants saying, “Then the madman came... We then saw the madman...”
Dhumad said, “Where is this man? Perhaps Allah will cure him by my hands.”
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The people directed him to the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him. When he saw the Prophet Peace be upon him and reflected upon his face, he found it to be bright. Dhumad never the less told the Prophet Peace be upon him the reason why he had come, “O Muhammad, I am an expert on incantations.
Allah cures whoever He wills by my hands. Come to me and I will treat you.”
The man began to speak about his treatments expertise as the Prophet Peace be upon himlistened attentively. What was he listening to so attentively? He was listening to the words of a disbeliever who had come to treat his ‘mental illness’!
And how wise he was!
When Dhumad finished what he had to say, the Prophet Peace be upon him said very calmly, “All praise be to Allah, we praise Him and seek His help. Whoever Allah guides cannot be misled. And whoever He sets astray then there is none to guide him. I bear witness that there is no one worthy of worship except Allah alone, with no partner.”
Dhumad trembled and said, “Repeat these words to me.”
The Prophet Peace be upon him repeated the words.
Dhumad said, “By Allah, I have heard the words of soothsayers, magicians, and poets, but I have never heard the like of these words, which reached the depths of the sea. Give me your hand so I can pledge my allegiance to you upon Islam.”
The Prophet Peace be upon him extended his hand and Dhumad eventually cleansed his heart from disbelief, while saying, “I bear witness that there is no one worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is the servant and Messenger of Allah.”
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The Prophet Peace be upon him also realised that he was a noble man among his people, so he said to him, “And your people?” meaning, will you call them to Islam?
Dhumad said, “Yes, and my people.” He then returned to his people as a preacher and a caller to faith.
Hence, be an expert listener. Listen attentively. Move your head to indicate you are following the conversation. React by demonstrating facial expressions, like furrowing your forehead, raising your eyebrows, smiling, or moving your lips in surprise.
Notice how it affects the person who is addressing you, be he young or old. You will find that he focuses on you even more.

Result...
Our expertise in listening attentively to others makes them profound in their love for us.
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