(56) Be concise and do not argue

(56) Be concise and do not argue

They say that the one who advises is like the one who whips.

It is only by the virtue of the whip-man’s skill that the pain remains.

Take note, that I said ‘whip-man’s skill’ and not ‘whip-man’s strength’! Hence, the aggressive whip-man who whips with all his might inflicts pain on the man only for the moment the whip hits the body. But it isn’t long until the man forgets the pain. As for the experienced whip-man, he may not even whip with all his might, but he knows where to whip.

The same is applicable to the one who advises. What matters is not excessive speech or a lengthy advice, but the approach of the one who is advising. Try to shorten your advice as much as you can. If you want to advise him, then do not give him a lecture, especially if it is over an undisputable issue, such as advising

someone against anger, drinking alcohol, leaving the prayer, disobeying the parents and so on.

I contemplated the personal advices given by the Prophet Peace be upon him and noticed that they are not longer than a sentence or two.

For example, “O ‘Ali, do not follow a look by another look, for the first look is for you, but the second is not.” End of story.

This was a very brief piece of advice.

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“O ‘Abdullah bin ‘Umar, be in this world as if you are a stranger, or a wayfarer.” End of story. Another very brief piece of advice.

“O Mu’adh! By Allah I love you! Do not forget to say after every prayer: ‘O Allah, help me to remember you, thank you and worship you perfectly.’”

“O ‘Umar! You are a strong person, so do not jostle through the crowds to reach the black stone.”

Similarly, the intelligent people after the Prophet Peace be upon him would keep their advice brief.

Abu Hurayrah – may Allah be pleased with him – once met al-Farazdaq the poet and said, “Dear nephew! I notice that your feet are small, try to look for a place for them in paradise.”

Meaning; Try to find a place for yourself in paradise by leaving off slandering chaste women in your poetry.

‘Umar – may Allah be pleased with him – was on his deathbed and people were visiting him one after another to bid him farewell and praise his efforts.

There came a young man who said, “Glad tidings, O leader of the believers! Glad tidings of accompanying the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him! You strove for Islam as you are aware, then became a just leader, and now you have been martyred.”

‘Umar replied, “I wish none of this is a proof against me or for me.”

When the young man turned around to leave, ‘Umar saw his garment dragging on the ground. His garment was hanging below his ankles. ‘Umar –may Allah be pleased with him– wanted to advise the young man, so he said, “Bring the boy back to me.”

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When the young man came back and stood in front of ‘Umar, he said, “Dear nephew, raise your garment, for it is cleaner for your garment and a more pious conduct towards your Lord.”

(al-Bukhari). End of story. This was a very brief advice, where the message was successfully delivered.

Avoid arguments as much as you can, especially if you feel that the one you are speaking to is arrogant. The objective is only to give him advice and not to initiate a debate. Allah has condemned argumentation by saying, “They raise not the objection save for argument.” The Prophet Peace be upon him said, “No people were misguided after being guided, except that they were made busy with argumentation.” He also said, “I guarantee a mansion in the middle of paradise for those who leave off argumentation, even if they are right.”

Some people are easily convinced, when they think, but most people have an element of scornfulness and arrogance. The Pharaoh and his people, when they realised the truth, believed in it in their hearts, yet were obstructed by their own arrogance to follow it, Allah said of them, “And they denied them, though their souls acknowledged them, for spite and arrogance.”

Your sole objective is to make one aware of his mistake so that he may avoid it in future. Your objective is not to be victorious over him. Neither of you are in a boxing ring.

Once the Prophet Peace be upon him came to ‘Ali and Fatimah –may Allah be pleased with them both– at night, and asked them, “Wouldn’t you like to pray?” Meaning; wouldn’t you like to pray the night prayer?

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‘Ali replied, “Our souls are in the Hands of Allah. Whenever He wants to wake us up He will.”

The Prophet Peace be upon him walked away slapping his thigh with his hand, saying, “But man is more than anything contentious.” (al-Bukhari)

Sometimes, the one you are advising may say something to excuse himself, and even though the excuse might not be convincing, he would say it anyway just to preserve his honour. Be forbearing, accept his excuse and do not be harsh on him. Do not close all the doors for him. Rather, keep all the doors open for him as you advise him. Even if he says something wrong, you can correct it in a way he doesn’t even realise. So begin by praising him, his intelligence and boldness, and then you should say, “however…” followed by your counter-arguments if he was mistaken in what he had said.

Point of view…

Bring the error to his attention succinctly and do not lecture him.

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