(41) Run away from problems!
I think if he were to go for a medical examination in a hospital, he would have discovered ten different types of diseases in his body, the least serious of which would be high blood pressure and diabetes.
This poor person used to torture himself because he used to demand perfection from others. You would always find him frustrated with his wife, because she broke a new plate, forgot to clean the lounge or burnt his new garments with the iron.
As for his children, Khalid still hasn’t memorised his timetables, and Sa’d has not yet achieved an A grade. Sarah and Hind also have their own problems. This is his how he is at home.
As for with his friends, for even worse, he thinks to himself, “Abu ‘Abdullah intended me when he related the story of a stingy person! Yesterday, Abu Muhammad was talking about me when speaking about old cars. He was referring to my car! I know because he was looking at me.” Such thoughts occupy the mind of this poor person all the time.”
An old adage says, “Either the times obey you, or you obey the times.”
I remember that a Bedouin, from amongst my friends, used to repeat this maxim he had learnt from his grandfather whenever I would speak to him philosophically.
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He would take a deep breath and say, “O Shaykh! The hand you cannot twist, you must shake!”
If you think about it, you will find that this saying is correct.
For if we do not get used to tolerance and letting things go, or in other words, pretending not to notice and not drowning ourselves in what other people mean or think, we would find our lives very difficult.
The leader of a people is not the one who is foolish
The leader of a people is the one who pretends to be foolish
A young man once came to his Shaykh to ask his help in choosing a wife who would be his life-partner.
The Shaykh said, “What are the qualities you want in your wife?”
He replied, “She has to be good looking, tall, with lustrous hair and a beautiful scent. She should cook delicious food and talk sweetly. Someone when I look at her, she pleases me, and when I am away, she safeguards herself in my absence. She should not disobey me, and I shouldn’t have to fear her evil. She must also take pride in religion and enjoy wisdom.”
The man continued to mention all the good qualities in women that he would like to see in that one woman. When the Shaykh thought he had heard too much, he said to the man, “My son, I know a person who fits the description.”
He replied, “Where?”
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The Shaykh said, “In Paradise, with the permission of Allah. As for this world, then you must learn to be tolerant!”
Yes! You must learn to be tolerant in this world. Do not torture yourself by looking for problems and arguments, so one day you scream in the face of someone sitting next to you, “You are talking about me, aren’t you?” or to your son, “You want to upset me by being lazy!” or your wife, “You deliberately do not give the house due attention?”
The Prophet’s method in general was to be tolerant. That way he used to enjoy his life. Sometimes, he would go to his family in the morning, whilst feeling hungry. He would ask them, “Do you have anything to eat?”
They would say, “No.”
He would say, “In that case, I will fast.”
He didn’t use to cause problems due to that. He didn’t use to say, “Why don’t you cook something? Why don’t you tell me so I can buy it for you?” Rather, he would say, “In that case, I am fasting”, and that would be the end of the matter.
He would deal with everyone in a very tolerant fashion.
Kulthum bin al-Husayb was one of the best the Companions.
He said, “I went out on the expedition of Tabuk with the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him and one night I was travelling with him through the valley of al-Akhdar.”
Kulthum then mentioned the rest of the story where they walked for quite long, until sleep began to overcome him, and as they rode, his camel kept getting closer to the Prophet’s camel.
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Upon noticing, he would suddenly wake up and pull his camel away fearing his camel’s saddle may brush against the Prophet’s foot. At one point, he was overcome by sleep, and his camel collided into the Prophet’s camel, and his saddle brushed against the Prophet’s foot. The Prophet Peace be upon him felt the pain and let out a sigh.
Kulthum woke up upon hearing the sigh and became embarrassed and said, “O Messenger of Allah! Ask Allah for my forgiveness!”
The Prophet Peace be upon him demonstrated tolerance and said, “Carry on… Carry on…”
Yes, this was all he said. He didn’t turn it into a scene, saying “Why did you collide into me? The path is spacious! Why are you riding next to me, anyway?” No. He did not trouble himself. It was just a hit on the leg, and that was it.
This was always his way of dealing with things.
Once he was sitting with his Companions and there came a woman with a cloak.
She said, “O Messenger of Allah! I wove it by my hands for you to wear.”
The Prophet Peace be upon him took it, as he was in need of it. He got up, left for his house, wore it as a lower garment and came out to his Companions.
A man from amongst the people said, “O Messenger of Allah!
Please, allow me to wear it!”
The Prophet Peace be upon him said, “Certainly,” and instantly returned home, took it off and folded it up, wore his old lower garment and sent the new one to the man.
The people said to the man, “What you did was not right!
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You asked him for it, knowing that he never refuses whoever asks him for anything!”
The man said, “By Allah, I did not ask him except that it should be my burial shroud the day I die.”
When the man died, his family shrouded him in that garment. (al-Bukhari)
How beautifully were people affected by this treatment!
Once, the Prophet Peace be upon him led his Companions in ‘Isha prayer.
Meanwhile, two children entered the mosque, al-Hasan and al-Husayn, the two sons of Fatimah. They headed straight for their grandfather, the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him while he was praying.
Whenever he prostrated, al-Hasan and al-Husayn would jump on his back. When he wanted to raise his head, he would gently grab them, take them off his back and make them both sit next to him.
When he returned to prostrate, they would jump back on his back. When he finished his prayer, he took them both gently and sat them on his thigh. Abu Hurayrah –may Allah be pleased with him– then got up and said, “O Messenger of Allah! Shall I take them back?” meaning, shall I return them to their mother? But the Prophet Peace be upon him was in no hurry to return them. He remained for a while until he saw lightning and heard thunder from the sky.
He then said to them both, “Go back to your mother.” The two children then left and went back to their mother. (Narrated by Ahmad. Al-Haythami said, ‘the narrators are trustworthy’)
On a different occasion, the Prophet Peace be upon him went out with his Companions to either pray Dhuhr or ‘Asr, while he was holding al-Hasan or al-Husayn. He walked to the place of prayer, sat the child down and initiated the prayer by saying the Takbeer.
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When the Prophet Peace be upon him fell into prostration, he stayed there longer than usual such that the Companions thought that perhaps something might have happened to him. He then raised his head from prostration.
After the prayer was concluded, his Companions asked him, “O Messenger of Allah! In this prayer you prostrated the way you never have before. Is there anything you were ordered with by Allah? Or were you receiving revelation?”
The Prophet Peace be upon him said, “It was none of that. But my son was riding on my back and I disliked that I should take him off so quickly, so I waited until he had finished.” (al-Hakim in al-Mustadrak, classified Sahih)
He once visited Umm Hani bint Abi Talib –may Allah be pleased with her– whilst he was hungry.
He said, “Do you have any food I can eat?”
She replied, “Nothing but dry bread, and I am too embarrassed to give it to you.”
He said, “Bring it.”
She brought it, broke it into pieces in water, and brought some salt and spread it all over it. The Prophet Peace be upon him began to eat this bread soaked with water. He then turned to Umm Hani and said, “Do you have anything to be eaten with bread?”
She said, “I do not have anything, O Messenger of Allah, except some vinegar.”
He said, “Bring it.”
She brought it and poured it over his food, and the Prophet
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Peace be upon him ate from it. He then thanked Allah and said, “How good is vinegar with bread!”
Yes, he used to live his life as it was, and accepted the reality as it was.
On his journey to Hajj, the Prophet Peace be upon him set out with his Companions and stopped over somewhere. The Prophet Peace be upon him went away to relieve himself, then came to a pool of water to make ablution from after which he got up and prayed.
There came Jabir bin ‘Abdullah –may Allah be pleased with him– and he stood to the left of the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him, said the Takbeer and initiated his prayer with him. Thereupon, the Prophet Peace be upon him took him by his hand and gently moved him to his right, and they both continued with the prayer.
There also came Jabbar bin Sakhr –may Allah be pleased with him. He made ablution, and stood to the left of the Messenger of Allah Peace be upon him. The Prophet Peace be upon him took the two by their hands gently and pushed them slightly back until they were praying behind him. (al-Bukhari)
One day, whilst the Prophet Peace be upon him was sitting down, there came to him Umm Qays bint Muhsin with her newborn in order that the Prophet would chew some date and rub therewith the soft palate of the child for blessings (Tahnik), and pray for him.
The Prophet Peace be upon him took him and placed him on his lap. It was not long before the baby urinated in the lap of the Prophet Peace be upon him and made his garment wet. All the Prophet did then was to call for some water and spray over the affected area of his garment, and that was the end of the matter. (al-Bukhari)
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He did not become angry or frown. So why should we torture ourselves by making a mountain out of a molehill? Not everything that happens to you must be to your liking 100%.
Some people cannot control their nerves and magnify the situation, including some parents and teachers.
Do not search for hidden faults. Be open to accept others’ excuses, especially those who make excuses in order to preserve their good relations with you, and not for some personal gain.
Look at the Prophet Peace be upon him! He climbed the pulpit one day, and addressed his Companions in such a loud voice that even the young women were able to hear him inside their homes!
Do you know what he said in the sermon?
He said, “O you who have believed with your tongues, yet faith has not entered your hearts! Do not backbite the Muslims!
Do not search for their faults! For the one who searches for the faults of his brother, Allah seeks out his faults. And whoever Allah seeks out the faults of, He exposes him, even if he is hidden away in the depths of his house!” (al-Tirmidhi, Hasan)
Yes, you should not hunt for mistakes and seek out faults. Be tolerant. The Prophet Peace be upon him was always very eager not to initiate problems.
Once in a serene gathering of the Prophet Peace be upon him with his Companions, where souls were purified and hearts were made tranquil, he said to his Companions, “Let not one of you convey to me something bad about one of my Companions, for I love to meet you all with a clean heart.”
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Do not torture yourself…
Do not gather dust upon yourself when the dust is settled…
But when the dust has risen, then cover your nose with your
sleeve and continue to enjoy your life…
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