(21) Mu’awiyah’s hair
A teacher once worked in a secondary school. In one of his lessons, he noticed that some students were being negligent and lagging behind in their revision, so he decided to teach them a lesson. After a few days, when he entered the classroom, and as soon as he sat down, he stunned the students by saying, “Everyone, please put your books away and take out a paper and pen!”
“Why?” asked the pupils.
“You have a surprise exam!” he said.
The pupils grumbled as they complied, but one not-so-bright, large-bodied student who was a known troublemaker shouted, “Teacher, we don’t want an exam now!
I cannot even answer exam questions after revising, so what about when we have not revised at all?” The pupil said this in a very fierce tone and the teacher was furious.
He said, “Things don’t happen here just as you please! You must sit the exam! Do you understand? If you don’t like it, then get out of the classroom!”
The pupil replied back in rage, “Rather, you get up and leave!”
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The teacher turned to the pupil, walked up to him and began to curse him, “You have no manners! No etiquettes!”
The pupil stood up and some things occurred which I would rather not mention, but can be guessed. The matter reached the school administration. The pupil was punished by having his final marks decreased and was forced to pledge that he would never again misbehave.
As for the teacher, everyone at that school began speaking about him. He could not walk down a corridor without hearing people whispering something about him, until he was compelled to leave and join another school.
Now, another school teacher once faced the same dilemma, but he dealt with it appropriately. One day, he entered his classroom and surprised the pupils by saying, “Please, take out your pen and paper. You have a surprise exam!”
One pupil, like the one mentioned previously, screamed, “Teacher! You cannot give us an exam whenever you feel like it!”
The teacher was like a mountain that could feel the insignificant weight of the person trying to climb him. He knew that a stubborn person should not be responded to with yet more stubbornness. He smiled and looked at the pupil then said, “So, Khalid, you do not want to sit the exam?”
The pupil screamed, ‘No!’
The teacher said very calmly, “OK. Whoever does not wish to sit the exam will have to face the school’s disciplinary procedure.
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So, write the questions down. Question number one: Solve the following equation...”
The teacher began to list the questions, but the pupil could not remain silent and said, “I told you, I don’t want to sit this exam!”
The teacher looked at the pupil with a smile and said, “Am I forcing you to sit an exam? You are an adult and responsible for your own actions.”
The pupil found that he could not make this teacher angry, so he calmed down, took out a pen and paper, and began to write down the questions.
Afterwards, he was disciplined by the school administration for misbehaviour.
When I reflected upon this story, I realised the difference in people’s ability to deal with diverse situations, and their expertise in either solving a problem or making it worse. Dealing with a stubborn person by using stubbornness only results in fireworks.
Everyone would agree that fighting a fire with fire would only increase the flames, and that responding to coldness with coldness would not work either. Therefore, one’s relationship with others should be like the hair strand of Mu’awiyah…
Mu’awiyah was once asked, “How did you manage to be a governor for twenty years and then a Caliph for twenty years?”
He replied, “I placed a hair strand between myself and the people. I would hold it from one end and they would hold it from the other. If they pulled it from their end, I would loosen it from mine so that the hair strand would not break. If they loosened it from their end, I would pull on it from mine.”
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May Allah have mercy on him, how wise he was!
We can all agree that if both partners of a couple are stubborn, then they could never live together in happiness. Similarly, two stubborn people can never be friends for long.
I recall giving a lecture once in a prison. It happened that the lecture was to be delivered to a special section of the prison where most of the prisoners were guilty of murder or manslaughter.
When I finished my lecture and the prisoners went back to their cells, one of them came forward to me to thank me. I realised that he was the one responsible for cultural activities in the prison. I asked him about the cause which led most of these men to commit murder.
He replied, “Just anger. By Allah, dear Shaykh, some of them have killed over a few riyals during a dispute with a shopkeeper or a petrol station attendant!”
Thereupon, I remembered the words of the Prophet Peace be upon him, “A strong person is not the one who throws his adversaries to the ground. Rather, a strong person is he who contains himself when angry.” (al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Yes! The hero isn’t the one with a strong body who overpowers anyone he wrestles with, for if this was the yardstick of heroism, then surely the animals would have been nobler than men. Rather, the hero is the intelligent one who knows how to
skilfully deal with diverse situations. The hero is the one who tactfully deals with his wife, children, manager, and colleagues without losing them.
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A Hadeeth states, “A judge should not give judgement whilst he is angry.” (Abu Dawud and at-Tirmidhi who said it is Hasan Sahih)
The Prophet Peace be upon him ordered us to train ourselves on forbearance; he said, “Patience comes with forbearance.” (ad-Daruqutni, Hasan)
The meaning of this is that the first time one suppresses his anger, it may drain his emotions 100%. The second time, it will decrease to 90%. The third time, it will be 80%, and so on until forbearance becomes second nature.
An incident related to anger is when I once went to the city of Amlaj, which is 300 km to the south of Jeddah, in order to deliver a lecture. Among the audience was a young man who would very easily become angry. This young man was once driving his car on the road at a normal speed, as he was in no hurry. Behind him was another car whose driver seemed to be in a rush and was trying to overtake him. Seeing this, the young man slowed down even more and gestured at the car behind to slow down.
The driver of the car that was following could hold his patience no longer. He put his foot on the accelerator swerved close to the one’s car, and dangerously overtook, but nobody was hurt. The young man became furious, he was the type who would get angry over much less than this, and put his foot on the accelerator to catch up with the car that had overtaken him. He began to shout and gesture at the car so that its driver would stop, which he did. He then placed his headscarf on the passenger seat, grabbed a spanner, and got out of the car.
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He was visibly fuming as he walked towards the car. Suddenly, he saw three muscular men jump out of the other car and run towards him.
They had seen him with the spanner in his hand and realised he wanted to fight.When he saw them running towards him he was terrified, and when he realised they had noticed the spanner in his hand, he slowly raised it and said, “I apologise. I just wanted to let you know that this spanner dropped out of your car!”
One of the men took the spanner and the three men returned to their car as the young man waved goodbye!
Equation...
Ill temper + Ill temper = Fireworks!
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