Family in the human perception
Ala' Al Din Hasan
Published On:
23/12/2017 A.D. - 4/4/1439 H.
Verily, establishing family is crowned by this sacred bond which combines a person with his mate so as to be rest for one another. "And among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." [Surat Ar-Rum: 21].
Intimacy and mercy are the highest of goals, and the one who has no mercy is stone-hearted because man combines reason and emotions.
True love is perception and knowledge, give and responsibility, and love should be accompanied by gentleness, truthfulness, and loyalty. "And among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect." [Surat Ar-Rum: 21].
The psychological comfort which man finds in his spouse is one of the secrets of the Creator.
Therefore, psychologists said:
Illegal sexual intercourse has no spiritual contact but it is only physical which makes it incomplete and accompanied by fear of diseases and followed by a feeling of guilt and compunction.
AIDS has killed millions of people during the last few years. All divine messages agreed to the prohibition of illegal sexual intercourse.
Moreover, experts of education and socialists admit the necessity of establishing a family for the stability of social life.
Family is the core of establishing a sound society, and throughout history and with the difference of beliefs and backgrounds, family was a common denominator among mankind. "O mankind! Be dutiful to your Lord, Who created you from a single person (Adam), and from him (Adam) He created his wife [Hawwâ' (Eve)], and from them both He created many men and women; and fear Allâh through Whom you demand (your mutual rights), and (do not cut the relations of) the wombs (kinship). Surely, Allâh is Ever an All-Watcher over you." [Surat An-Nisa': 1].
The human community with its clans, tribes, people, and nations is composed of one origin, and from this origin many men and women spread and the bond between them is piety and faith.
Through marriage, bonds between races and peoples are established. Perhaps the wisdom of the Prophet's marriage from different tribes is linking between tribes and establishing harmony with them. "O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another." [Surat Al Hujurat: 13] to know each other, not to be different, to live, and complete one another.
Knowing one another is the only way to unity, a return to the origin, firmness on the good manners, sticking to religious commitment, and testing the general piety.
Arbitration of the mind:
The one who tries to establish a family should resort to reason and not whims so as not to be affected by appearances, but the righteousness and the beauty of the soul is the origin.
Righteous women are estimated and glorified through history, and it is the precious treasure that a man can obtain. "When a person looks at his wife, it pleases him, if he is absent, she protects herself and his money, and when he commands her, she obeys if the matter does not contain a sin."
Faith is enough to run her life if she is reared up on faith, so she will not do anything unacceptable and is safe from errors.
From the codes of the previous divine messages is:
"Marriage is not a human invention but it is a divine guidance."
When Allah (Glory be to Him) created Adam (peace be upon him), He did not leave him alone but created a wife for him, even in electricity you find positive and negative poles. "And of everything We have created pairs, that you may remember (the Grace of Allâh)." [Surat Adh-Dhariyat: 49].
The objective of marriage is preserving the human race and rearing the children properly.
Marriage is one of the basic factors for the educational building, finding the social stability, forming the child's personality, and giving it the customs, fundamentals, and rules which are necessary for it in the rest of its life.
Children are the grace of life, the hope, the joy of life, and the gift of Allah to the people of the earth.
Childhood has its own world and from the most beautiful features of Islam is that it prohibited the killing of children and considered it a terrible crime that comes after associating partners with Allah in worship.
The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) was asked:
What is the greatest sin to Allah? He said: "To associate partners with Allah in worship after He had created you." He was asked: Then what next? He said: "To kill your child for fear that it shares food with you." [1] How could a father kill his own child because of poverty?! "Surely, the killing of them is a great sin." [Surat Al Isra: 31].
If a woman is pregnant and committed a crime that requires a punishment, the punishment will not be applicable but after she delivers her baby and stops breastfeeding. [2]
The joy of life:
The speech of the Qur'an about childhood is full of intimacy. Allah (Glory be to Him) says: "And by the begetter (i.e. Adam peace be upon him) and that which he begot (i.e. his progeny)." [Surat Al Balad: 3].
Children in the Glorious Qur'an are the joy of life "Wealth and children are the adornment of the life of this world." [Surat Al Kahf: 46]. Children are a blessing that should we thank Allah for.
The most evil infliction that may hit a nation is that adultery spreads and children do not know their parents and families.
Therefore, Islamic Fiqh included a chapter on the rulings of the foundling who was found in a road, at a masjid, or in a market and his lineage was not known.
Those children and the like were not disregarded but special rulings were made for them. When a foundling child brought to `Umar (may Allah be pleased with him), he said to the man who brought it: "Foster him, you shall have his allegiance and we shall spend on it." [3]
Even if the foundling is a bastard, it has the right to live, tendered, and raised up properly because he has no guilt.
Begetting girls is a great blessing, taking care of children is obligatory, and loving them is a righteous act which Allah (Glory be to Him) loves, moreover the Prophet (peace be upon him) loved childhood which filled his heart.
It was authentically reported that the Prophet (peace be upon him) carried Umamah, the daughter of his wife Zaynab while he was praying; when he stood up, he carried her and when he prostrated, he put her down. [4]
The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to teach his grandson, Al Hasan, that he should not eat from Zakah when he tried to eat a fresh date from Zakah.
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
"Al Hasan ibn `Ali took a date from the dates given in charity and put it in his mouth. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "Expel it from your mouth. Do not you know that we do not eat a thing which is given in charity?" [5]
`Umar ibn Abu Salamah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
I was a boy under the care of Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) and my hand used to go around the dish while I was eating. So Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said to me: "O boy! Mention the Name of Allah and eat with your right hand, and eat of the dish what is nearer to you." [6]
So, the one who neglects teaching his child what is beneficial, he has wronged it, and the corruption of children comes from the parents who neglect teaching their children the obligatory duties and left them a prey for corruption. [7]
The one who does not show mercy to people shall not gain mercy in return:
`A'ishah (may Allah be pleased with her) narrated:
"A Bedouin came to the Prophet (peace be upon him) and said: Do you kiss your children?! We do not kiss them. Thereupon, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said: "What can I do for you after Allah had taken out mercy from your heart." [8].
The general rule is that a man chooses religious women as wives as an introduction for a sound rearing.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
"Women may be married for four things:
Their wealth, their lineage, their beauty, and their religious commitment, so choose the religious woman may your hand soil with dust [otherwise you will be a loser]." [9]
One of the poets said to some of his children[10]:
The first favor I did to you was choosing your mother of good family.
From the rights of the newborn:
Islam cares about natural breastfeeding because breast milk is the balanced food in size and components: "The mothers shall give suck to their children for two whole years, (that is) for those (parents) who desire to complete the term of suckling." [Surat Al Baqarah: 233].
However, many today's mothers prefer themselves to their children because they want to be pretty and in good shape, so they deprive their babies from this divine source of feeding.
It is desirable that Adhan (the call for Salah) is recited in the right ear of a child and Iqamah in the left ear directly after birth because of the Hadith which reads: "When the call of Salah is pronounced, Satan escapes." [11]
The first few words a child should learn is the statement of faith [12] and when it understands the meanings of the words, it should be taught the fundamentals of faith.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
"Command your children to perform Salah at seven years old." [13]
The one who has high vigor should seek the virtues:
Reciting, memorizing, and interpreting the Qur'an, the Hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him), his biography and the biographies of his Companions and righteous scholars. [14]
From the rights of the newborn is to name it after a good name. The Prophet (peace be upon him) changed the ugly names to good names.
It is the right of children on their parents to spend on them. "but the father of the child shall bear the cost of the mother's food and clothing on a reasonable basis." [Surat Al Baqarah: 233].
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
"A dinar you spend in Allah's way, or to free a slave, or as a charity you give to a needy person, or to support your family, the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spend on your family." [15].
The parents have the greatest impact on the hearts of children; so they must be a good example for them and do not give them a bad example.
The Parents have to teach their children the lawful and the prohibited and the instructions of their religion through a nice dialogue.
Children should be prevented to say bad words, cursing, and insults which they draw from bad companions because the general rule in rearing children is to protect them against bad companions. [16]
A father should consult his children in the matters related to them, draw their opinions, and train them for good thinking and promoting their ideas. [17]
It is desirable for the parents to rear their children on the principle of self-reliance and independence because life is based on movement, endeavor, work, and thinking. [18]
The role of teachers:
The role of teachers is not less than the role of the parents. It was reported that Harun Ar-Rashid sent to his son's teacher saying: "The emir of the believers sent to you the fruit of his heart (his son), so teach him the Qur'an, the Sunnah, the Arabic language, and reform him with wisdom and good preaching."
When we behave our children, we present to the world the best gift. It was reported in the Hadith: "Honor your children and behave them well." [19] So, where are these manners and rearing of the fathers who forgot their basic role and focused only on begetting children without asking about their children? Likewise, some mothers do not care for their children, so where is the render of the trust?
Many parents wrong their children by giving them bad example, and some parents spoil their children either by excessive indulgence or excessive cruelty: Excessive indulgence is to leave the children do what they want and do not reject their requests.
The correct thing is to train the children for accepted and rejected requests, however if the child cries and we fulfill its request, that will not be a good example of rearing. Likewise, cruelty is not a part of good rearing because a child has an instinctive mind; therefore the Pious Predecessors used to equate between their children even in kisses to stop jealousy, hatred, and envy.
It is ironic, for example, that a smoking father commands his son not to smoke because a child is effected more by actions rather than words.
It is awful that a father teaches his child truthfulness then when someone knocks at the door asking for him, the father says to the child: "Tell him "I am not home."
Of the worst habits that still exist in some of our homes is frightening a child with the wolf, bogeyman, and ghosts, then embracing him and trying to calm it down; this behavior has a serious impact.
Allah (Glory be to Him) created children and placed in them the love for play, so they have the right to play in order to empty their energy.
It was reported in the narration:
"Teach your children swimming, archery, and horse riding." Some of the Pious Predecessors said: "Play with your children until the age of seven, behave them for another seven years, and befriend them for another seven years, then leave the matter to them to dispose their affairs."
Important matters:
A father should consult his wife in giving his daughter in marriage because a girl tells her mother secrets that cannot tell to her father.
It is also important to consult the girl before her marriage. A girl was given in marriage at the time of the Prophet (peace be upon him) without her permission, and when the Prophet knew that, he announced her marriage null and void.
Other important matters:
A fiancé and his fiancée should see one another. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said to Al Mughirah ibn Shu`bah when he wanted to betroth a girl: "Look at her, for it is more likely to create love between you." [20]
However, some people constrain it and do not let a fiancé see his fiancée except in the wedding night or on the other side may let them sit together without a Mahram (unmarriageable male relative).
There is another problem which is exaggeration in dowries and showing off.
Hence, a young man resorts to borrow money although the best kind of marriage is the marriage of low costs.
`Umar ibn Al khattab said:
"Do not exaggerate in dowries because if raising the dowries had been a good thing to do, the Prophet (peace be upon him) would have done it." [21]
If the righteous wife is required, the righteous husband is also required and he should be of good manners.
Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "When a man proposes marriage and you are pleased with his religion and his character then marry (your daughter) to him. If you do not do it then there would be mischief on earth and much corruption." [22]
A righteous husband fulfills the rights of his wife, gives her dowry, treats her nicely, and spends on her moderately even if she has the money of Qarun, but if she helps her husband with her money, that will be of her good character. "Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allâh has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means." [Surat An-Nisa': 34].
Alimony is dropped if a wife leaves her home with a legitimate justification or disobeys her husband.
Of the rights is that both should beautify themselves for each other, and they should not be jealous of each other without a considerable reason.
Maintenance of the family:
In order to preserve the integrity of the family in regard to the parents, Allah correlated between His Oneness and good treatment of the Parents: "Worship Allâh and join none with Him (in worship); and do good to parents." [Surat An-Nisa': 36].
The Creator raised the value of these two pillars upon which the family is based to be fit for the construction of a community, preserving its spiritual and intellectual entity, and giving its cultural values to the youth.
Benefits of family planning:
There is no harm in family planning according to the moderate views, and pregnancy should be at reasonable intervals so as mothers would have a rest and the family would get ready for health care, and educational and social development.
Jabir ibn `Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:
"We used to practice coitus interruptus during the lifetime of Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) and the Qur'an was being sent down." [23] i.e., if anything was wrong in that, the Qur'an would have prohibited it.
The four Imams of Fiqh permitted coitus interruptus and its equivalent modern methods, but the total elimination of birth is not permissible because it is a killing for human resources and disruption of the productivity power.
Of the justifications of birth control is the fear on the mother if she is told by an expert doctor that her pregnancy will lead to her death. "And do not throw yourselves into destruction." [Surat Al Baqarah: 195]. And the fear that the rearing of children would worsen because of the short period between the time of birth, and the optimal duration is thirty-three months.
A fetus has the right to live, and no one has the right to assault it because it is a life that should be preserved even if it was illegally born.
Imam Muslim reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said to the Ghamidi woman who committed adultery and asked for the prescribed punishment: "Go until you deliver your baby." When he gave birth, he asked her complete breastfeeding. A woman should not fast if that harms the fetus or the newborn baby.
As for abortion, the preponderant ruling is:
It is disliked according to the Shafi'i and the Hanafi after the passage of forty days, and prohibited according to the Hanbalis after the passage of 120 days when the soul is formed, except there is a danger threatening the life of a mother.
The Maliki said:
Abortion is prohibited even if it lasted less than 40 days.
Finally:
A person may ask: How could we harmonize between the call to family planning and the following Hadith: "Give birth to many children, for I boast the nations of you."
The answer is that the meaning of abundance is not in number. Thawban (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: "The people will soon summon one another to attack you as people when eating invite others to share their dish.
Someone asked:
Will that be because of our small numbers at that time?
He replied:
No, you will be numerous at that time: but you will be scum and rubbish like that carried down by a torrent." [24].
The Glorious Qur'an emphasizes on the few number group which has strong faith:
"How often a small group overcame a mighty host by Allâh's Leave?" [Surat Al Baqarah: 249]. And a strong believer is better and more beloved by Allah than a weak believer.
In the Battle of Hunayn, the numbers of Muslims were large and they liked that power, but it did not benefit them.
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[1] Reported by Muslim in the book of faith on the authority of `Abdullah Hadith No. 267.
[2] A reference to the well-Known Hadith of the Ghamidi woman.
[3] Muwatta of Imam Malik in the book of Judgment, Hadith No. 1423.
[4] Reported by Al Bukhari in the book of Salah on the authority of Abu Qatadah Hadith No. 516.
[5] Reported by Muslim in the book of Zakah, Hadith No. 2522.
[6] Reported by Al Bukhari in the book of foods, Hadith No. 5376, and Muslim in the book of drinks, Hadith No. 5388.
[7] "Tuhfat Al Mawdud Bi Ahkam Al Mawlud" of Ibn Qayyim Al Jawziyah, p. 139.
[8] Reported by Al Bukhari in the book of good manner, Hadith No. 5998.
[9] Reported by Al Bukhari in the book of marriage on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, Hadith No. 5090.
[10] He is Ar-Rayyashy, the poet.
[11] Reported by Al Bukhari in the book of Salah on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, Hadith No. 1222.
[12] "Mukhtasar Minhaj Al Qasidin" of Ibn Qudamah, p. 20.
[13] Reported by Al Bayhaqy in the book of Salah, Hadith No. 5295.
[14] Laftat Al Kabid Ila Nasihat Al walad of Ibn Al Jawzy, p. 30.
[15] Reported by Muslim on the authority of Abu Hurayrah in the book of Zakah, Hadith No. 2358.
[16] Maw`izhat Al Mu`minun, p. 204.
[17] Ar-Riyad An-Nadirah, the complete volume, department of Culture 1 / 415.
[18] See: The Origins of Islamic education of Al Hazimy, p. 117.
[19] Reported by Ibn Majah in the book of good manner, Hadith No. 3802.
[20] Sunan At-Tirmidhy in the book of marriage, Hadith No. 1110.
[21] Women's traditions in the book of marriage, Hadith No. 3362.
[22] Reported by Ibn Majah in the book of marriage, Hadith No. 2043.
[23] Reported by Abu Dawud in his Sunan in the book of epics Hadith No. 4299.
[24] Reported by Al Bukhari in the book of marriage, Hadith No. 5207.
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